Friday, July 8, 2016

Raising a Strong Willed Child...

As I put my oldest to bed after a long day; as she is screaming, fighting and banging her head on the wall the whole way up the stairs, I think about raising a strong willed child. My child. She has spunk. She wants what she wants and has passion in everything she does. She loves to take everything in and HAS to be perfect in everything she does, down to brushing her teeth. She lets me know when she doesn't like something and if she doesn't like what I say or do.

If I try to put Emerson in a shirt that used to be hers, she lets me know she's not having it. That is her shirt. If I put her to bed and don't put the My little Pony light on, in the right place, she lets me know about it. She's fierce.

She knows where things go, who everything belongs to and where she's going. She tells us where we can go on walks and if we want to go another way, she will let us know. She's determined. It makes everyone's life easier if we stick to the original plan. We do things in routine.

With everything that drives my bat $hit crazy with this girl, I love her fight. The things cry about some nights is the same thing that I will cherish about her when she's older. The day will come soon where she won't need me as an advocate because she will be her own advocate; for me and everyone else we know.

She's going to be a difference maker in everything she does. She cares about the people she meets and wants to meet everyone and everyone. She takes initiative in everyday things like bath, cleaning up, getting dressed and going to bed (sometimes). I can't keep up with her some days; she barely sits down.

But tonight was just like most nights that we have when she is overly tired and doesn't want to go to bed. I take her upstairs, take her implants off, tuck her in, put on the fan, turn on the pony night light and shut the door. With not two seconds I hear screaming. I walk in to her sitting up on her bed with her arms spread out, and she says "this much". Yes, baby girl, I love you THIS MUCH. Sorry, I forgot that tonight in our nightly routine.

How much do I love you...THISSSSSSS MUCH!

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Why I'm Now a Selfie Mom

Let me start by saying I can't stand selfies. I'm not really sure where they even came from.
The students in my office take more selfies and send more snap chats then I have ever seen. It would take them less time to call the person they are trying to contact, talk for five minutes, then hang up. I will never get selfies, but from now on I'M A SELFIE MOM.

You see there are a couple things that weigh on my heart that make me suddenly want to take more selfies. One big reason is because of the my self image. You see, being a girl mom is tough. Well, not necessarily being a girl mom, it's being the same sex parent. I have a duty to raise my girls with a positive self image and I think that starts with my own. There is no faking it when it comes to your confidence and how others view you.

I absolutely can't stand pictures of myself. I can always find something wrong with me: I still have 50 pounds of baby weight, I hate my legs; I have invisiline and my teeth HURT. I literally can not smile half of the time! Sometimes I don't have makeup and guess what? I don't wash my hair everyday.

I've come to realize that two little, sweet girls don't care about what I look like, they just want to see their mom be proud of who she is. They absolutely love selfies and why should I take fun away from them because of how I "think" I look in a photo. If I take photos and are proud of my self image, the girls will see that and hopefully realize that they are as beautiful as I see them. Self image is real thing for girls and mine aren't any different.

They other reason I am now a selfie mom is because I want them to have lots of photos of me. There many be a day where I'm not here and I want to make sure they have a lot of pictures of me. Sometimes, well most times, it's just me and them; so why not take a selfie. They will have lots of pictures of us together when they get older. Living life for each day to me means capturing what we have right in front of us. It may not be a fancy picture; most times it is blurry or grainy but we still have that moment to put in a frame next to their bed.

I will be making a selfie book soon for each girl to have with some of blog posts that I can give them when they are in high school. I'll probably still not have lost the baby weight, not love myself in every photo or wash my hair everyday, but they will have memories of their mom to last forever.

I draw the line at selfies though- I am NOT joining Snap Chat.

Shannon

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Deaf vs. Hearing: Don't Judge me and I won't Judge You

Within the first 24 hours of Riley's life we found out she was deaf. Well, that's not 100% true. Riley failed her newborn hearing test twice and had to go to the ENT for more testing. If you have been following this blog, October 31, 2012 we found out for sure our baby couldn't hear. She was profoundly deaf in one ear and severe in the other.

There was a small window of time when I was in shock. I didn't understand how this happened. I didn't know what to do or where to even begin. Josh and I were in complete and utter sadness. Once that initial shock wore off, we got to work.

Cochlear implants were never even a "should we" discussion. We found out that our deaf daughter would have access to sound and could have the opportunity to develop spoken language; that was really all we needed to know. I don't think there was once where we wondered if we were making the right decision. We still don't have any regrets.

With Nyle DiMarco (Dancing with the Stars) coming into the picture and being a deaf celebrity with a huge advocacy for ASL, the war on deaf vs. hearing continues. I have seen so many articles on social media about the Deaf community and their view of cochlear implants. I don't judge any parents for not getting their children cochlear implants so why do they judge me? There hasn't been one time where I think of DiMarco and wonder why he never got CI's. I am amazed by his ability to sense sound through his body movements and appreciate the work he has put into making his life successful. However, we put in work too.

I something think learn ASL would have been easier than the therapy we do with Riley. We choose AVT ( Auditory Verbal Therapy) which concentrates on auditory (listening) and verbal (spoken language) to learn to listen and speak. Every morning I do a Ling check with her; if you're a parent of a hearing child you probably don't even know what that is. We talk, ALOT in our house. We wait. We wait for Riley to produce sound to tell me what she wants or need. She can't point, she can't wine, she must use her words at all times. She gets frustrated.  Usually about one time a day we have a breakdown of communication and someone ends up in a tantrum; sometimes that person is me.

Riley is coming up on her 3 year hearing birthday and still behind. We continue to advocate for her with the school systems and community resources. Riley is deaf (period). Some of the deaf culture doesn't think of being deaf as a disability, but more as an identity. Below is the definition of disability.

Disability is the consequence of an impairment that may be physical, cognitive, intellectual, mental, sensory, developmental, or some combination of these that results in restrictions on an individual's ability to participate in what is considered "normal" in their everyday society.

Based on this definition, do you think deafness is a disability? Hearing loss is classified as the #1 birth defect in America. I don't want to cause any problems with the war on deaf vs. hearing, but being born deaf is considered a disability in American society. 1% of Americans can use ASL and ASL is the sixth spoken language in America. More people know Spanish and German than ASL. Currently Riley is stuck between a deaf community and a hearing couture. She doesn't hear like we hear. Listening doesn't come easy for her. When Riley doesn't have her CI's on, she can't hear anything. Nothing.

I don't really care what your language of choice is. I don't wonder what went through your mind on making decisions. We chose not to use sign language with Riley. If you ask me one month, the next month it's going to be the same. One day, Riley might want to learn sign language and I am fine with that. If she is up to her language goals and has a good grasp on spoken language, the world is her oyster. She can do anything she wants!  That's what parents do.

My job is to make decisions for her now, as her parent. Parenting is not easy and sometime you have to make decisions that society doesn't always agree with. I felt (and still feel) like I wanted to do whatever I could to give her all the opportunity in the world. If she was born without sight, I would research any technology to make it easier on her. If she was born without limbs, I would research and get any medical enhancements I could to make her life easier. I'm a mom; that's what we do. You consider your values and beliefs (whether spiritual or religious) and make a sound decision that is best for YOUR family. I don't judge you for your decisions so don't judge me for mine.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

25 Things May Not Know About Your Mommy....




 Here goes nothing....

  1. My favorite color is red.
  2. I like to listen to music in the car REALLY loud. You probably already know this though.
  3. I don't wear shorts. Even to bed.
  4. I don't use a flat sheet on our bed because I absolutely hate making the bed. I see no point.
  5. I have never mowed grass.
  6. I eat peanut butter every day. Every single day.
  7. I love wine. You will soon find out.
  8. I have very thick skin but care deeply what people think.
  9. I regret not playing sports in high school.
  10. It took me five years to complete my undergrad.
  11. I love fruit- especially watermelon.
  12. I try to drink two gallons of water a day.
  13. I can't stand flowers. If you want to win my heart use chocolate. I will always fold for chocolate.
  14. Garth Brooks was my first concert.
  15. I need eight hours of sleep to function properly.
  16. I can't do math. I hope one of you are really good at math in high school because you won't find me much help. I got you when it comes to English.
  17. My favorite meal is breakfast. I never skip breakfast. Ever.
  18. I love wearing heels. I know, weird.
  19. I had my gallbladder taken out in grad school.
  20. I have no directional sense. Please never use words like east when telling me how to get somewhere
  21. I love a good gel manicure.
  22. Sharks are my worse fear.
  23. I love the first glass of milk. Every time I buy milk I like to drink the first glass right away.
  24. I have never broken a bone.
  25. My favorite movie is Legally Blonde.
Some of these things you will soon find out; others, like my obsession with cheese and my fear of the ocean will be things that you will soon love about me!

Love Mom

Thursday, May 5, 2016

If I'm not here when you read this....

To My Girls,

I don't think a day goes by that I don't hear on the radio, news or social media that a mom was taken from her children in the blink of an eye; or maybe even over time. I like to think I will be around forever, like immortal, but what if I'm not?

If I'm still around by the time you read this blog, probably around 16 or so, you will either hate my guts because I wouldn't let you spend the night at a boy girl sleepover, or we are like best friends. I like to think I will be around for both of these situations but If I'm not, I wanted to give you some advice for your future. I'm not the best at everything. I don't know everything there is about success, marriage, children and careers, but I know enough to keep give you a little piece of your mom that you will have forever. Here goes:


  1. Character is who you are when know one is looking. Character is something you want and need in your life. Character makes you succeed.
  2. Ask lots of questions. Never EVER assume anything. Asking questions will get your answers quicker and will make any process shorter.
  3. Take care of your teeth. Like forever. Always brush, floss, or whatever your dentist wants you to do. Do it. You will thank me later.
  4. Friendship is so important. To have good friends, you must be a good friend. Being a good friend means putting someone else before you in certain situations. Caring about other people enough to not be envious, to be supportive even when you don't want to and having someone to talk to in the silent if you had to. Your friends will be there throughout your whole life- they are great at holding your hair also.
  5. Plans will get broken; live with it. Don't be so inflexible that you can't function without everything being planned out. I had my whole college, getting married, having a kid thing planed out and none of it turned out how I thought. Move on.
  6. Forgive. Forgiving is more about you than the other person. I always say "time heals, give time time". Forgive for you, not for the other person.
  7. Choose a career that makes you happy. I absolutely love working in higher education and it shows. You won't love everyday but you will spend most of your time working when you are an adult; make it enjoyable.
  8. Negativity is contagious. so it positivity. Be positive. Happiness is really a choose. Plain and simple.
  9. Be free. You live in America and that is a privilege. You can be anything you want to be and do anything you want in this country. Exercise your right to vote; freedom wasn't free.
  10. It's okay if you are different than everyone else. Don't feel like you have to fit in with everyone and do things that you know go against your values. Different is beautiful.
  11. Stay close to you sister. Having a sibling is such a gift. Stay close to each other because in the end, you will always have each other to lean on.
  12. Your education is important. This doesn't mean you have to take the same road as me, or your father. It just means to read up on things, educate yourself. Keep growing and gave the urge to be a better person.
  13. Love you more. I know that sounds totally selfish but it is probably the most important one on this list. No matter how much you love your husband, your partner, your kids or anything; love you more. You can't let yourself go and always put people ahead of you. You will soon loose yourself and then others will loose you soon after. Trust me.
  14. Drink lots of water. What you put in your body matters. Enough said.
  15. No matter what the situation: Get up, dress up, and show up. I heard this quote from a good friend when I worked at Ball State and it has gotten me through the toughest of situations. Don't let the situation take over your life. Take a day if you need, but the next day; GET UP, DRESS UP, AND SHOW UP.
There are so many things I could put on this list, but for time sake and typing, know this: God put you in our family because you belong there. He made you who you are because he loves you. There are no accidents, no coincidences. Everything is supposed to happen the way it does. Always remember that.

Love- mom



Monday, May 2, 2016

To Emerson- On her Second Birthday

Dear Emerson Marie,


It's crazy to think that two years have gone by already. Just yesterday we were in the hospital loving on my little baby- now you're toddler. The last two years you have brought so much joy to our lives; I'm so happy the God chose me to be your mom.


As I have said in the first birthday letter, you are the best gift that I your father and I could have given our family. The way Riley loves you and protects you makes my heart melt. The sister bond you both share was inevitable from the start.


Sometimes I look at you and wonder how this sweet, dimple faced, bright smiled girl is my daughter. You have a way of lighting up the room when you walk in. You have an innocence about you that makes even the greyest of days go away. You love life.


Sleeping and eating are still your favorite. You will run a mile for food if you had to. You don't love vegetables but you make up in gold fish what you lack in veggies. You love your Eeyore; you won't go anywhere without him. He is your best friend (besides your sister).

Since you have turned two, you have started climbing out of your crib, you have your own objections to things and want what you want. You love to go on the potty (with your diaper on) because that's what your big sister does.

I can't really think of many things you don't like because you are such a easy going, happy kid. I never have to use the same tough love that I use on Riley with you; you feel horrible when you do something wrong. It melts my heart to see you cry.


You are a total daddy's girl but love to hang with mommy when she is putting on her make up and doing her hair. I hope our bond continues to grow as you get older; I know that you will be my girly girl that loves dance, tutus, dress up and more. I can't wait for the days we go shopping and you talk about all your friends and boy troubles.


Our lives have changed over the past two years: We moved to Ohio, your uncle Corey got married to aunt Cassidy and now you are going to have a baby cousin Braxton. Life goes fast and  sometimes you get lost in the mix of Riley's therapy and mom's crazy schedule but always remember Baby girl, you are the light in our family that shined and made us whole. I will forever remember the feeling you gave me during your first year of life that no one could ever replace.


I love you to the moon and back. I love you more then Netflix; more then bananas and peanut butter and more then Panera coffee.


Love, Mom





Sunday, July 19, 2015

What Would You Do if you Weren't Afraid?







Working in higher education, I often have the opportunity to ask high school and new college students "what do you want to be when you grow up"? Sometimes it makes me think about when I was growing up and what my ultimate goal was going to be. I know for certain higher education administration wasn't one of those goals, and to be honest, it wasn't even a glimpse in my mind when I started college.

I started Kent State University as a business student with a hope to someday take over the world with my management tactics (or something businesslike); until I got my first on campus job at the Rec Center as an intramural referee. For the next couple years and I learned how to referee a good volleyball game, follow a good checklist, and make sure people were safe when at the rec center. My goals of business then slowly diminished and I found something I loved; something that I had a passion for- campus recreation.

My career in campus recreation and higher education has taken me down so many different paths that I didn't see coming. I've learned so much about campus rec, advising, admissions, student life, career services and student development working in different areas of the college. I've worked at universities that are in rural areas and the communities are surrounded by it; I've worked in a an urban setting where it's mostly commuter and traffic makes your morning commute interesting; I've also worked at the two year college where recruitment and retention mean all the different to the services we provide.

I just got finished reading the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg (the CEO of Facebook), and it  related women moving up the ladder more like a jungle gym then a ladder. So many times we think we have to keep moving in one direction, but on a jungle gym there are many ways to move up and become successful. We focus on one goal; one priority and think we have to keep moving in that direction or we will loose everything we've worked for. Or is it because we're scared.

What if we stopped asking "what if" and started asking ourselves "what next"? What is my next step? What can I learn next? Where do I go from here? We tend to focus on staying in one place because that's what we know and where we are comfortable.

I remember when I had Riley and Emerson feeling guilty even thinking "what's next". Why did I have to keep going and going when I was starting a family? That question is asks by a lot of mothers and it holds women back because of the fear they have to choose between our family and our success. We don't have to choose. I can have a successful career, and be the best mom I can be. We make sacrifices and we learn how to prioritize better than we ever have, but we make it work.

This year brings me new opportunities and new challenges. I will continue to learn and grow for ALL of my experience and continue to strive for excellence in student development and higher education. What would I do if I wasn't scared? I would accept a new position in Ohio and hit the road with Josh, myself and our two beautiful girls. Buckeye nation here we come!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

What we now know about language development



Having a child with hearing loss has taught me so much about language development than I ever thought I would care to know. It not only has helped us understand what Riley is going through with her therapy, but given us the tools to help Emerson develop language and reach her milestones as well. While I am in no way an professional in this field, I can tell you some of the things we have learned along the way.


1. Language is more than talking: There are so many different forms of language: spoken, sign, bilingual, non verbal, conversation and many more I'm sure I'm not aware of. On average, kids have to hear a word 500 times before they will start develop that word in their language. Language is also about having a conversation. When you ask a question, most of the time your voice goes up; Your tone of your voice determines how someone would respond. All of these things are taught at a very young age. Emerson is starting to babble and I talk right with her; she will start and I will jump right in. I make it a conscious effort to talk adult talk and not baby talk; it teaches her about taking turns in conversations.

 If I were to give you one tip on language development it is this: whatever language you choose teach your child, it will be their first language. If its sign language, that's great, but remember it could be difficult to teach them English language after that. Their brain will think sign language (or Spanish or French) is their first language and it could be difficult to develop later (could be).

2. Talk: Any talk again. In fact you will talk so much that you can't stand your own voice anymore. If I'm making mac and cheese,  my conversation could go like this: Mommy's making macaroni and cheese, stir the water, pour in the milk; milk is white. Shake the cheese, cheese is yellow. cheese is yummy. Smell the cheese, we love cheese. Pour the macaroni in cheese in the sink. Pour it in the pan...etc. I think you get the drift. Describing is all we do and it has helped so much. Sometimes we focus on the nouns in our language (truck, mom, dad, baby) that we forget the verbs, adjectives, and propositions that go into a complete sentence.

3. Hearing vs. Listening: This should actually be number one because it is the most important to us in our therapy. Hearing and language actually come from the brain, not the ear; the ear is a way to the brain so that is what we mainly focus on. I know riley can hear, the audiograms tell us so, but is she listening? I have to give her commands, like "throw the paper in the trash can", without cues of what she should be done. No pointing. If she can throw the paper in the trash can then she is listening. She understands what she should be doing. When we are in a crowded environments or she is babbling on and upset, we stop and I tell her to listen. She will put her finger to her ear and we listen. If she stops and takes herself out of the environment and concentrates on listening, she can calm down and hear what we are asking.

4. Receptive understanding comes first: This pigtails off the last one. If she can understand what the difference between milk and water, or if she wants to wear shorts or a dress, spoken language won't be far behind. We have to give her time to understand things before she can say them. A couple weeks ago we couldn't understand why she wasn't saying "mommy or daddy" but goes on and on about Emmy and the kids at daycare all day. We figured out that we don't say "mommy and daddy" as much as we talk about everyone else. I wont say "daddy hand me the spoon" or "daddy how was your day", in our everyday language so she isn't getting that. We can't assume she knows things that we aren't providing her with.

5. Repeat them instead of correcting them: Riley doesn't have language where a lot of people can understand her yet. So when she says something, I try to correct her by repeating. Ex: If Riley says "dada" or "Emmyson", I will say, "Yes that is daddy" (not dada), or "Emerson" so she can hear the correct way to say it. If I keep talking how she is, then she won't know the correct words for things. Sorry, no nicknames for toys here:)

6. Patience: Language development takes time. A child's first word is something that she can say, in context, without imitation. Emerson saying "dada" when she's crawling around the floor is not in context. If she drops her food and says "uh oh", then that's a word (or language). Riley has about 75 words now!! These are words that she can say without me saying it first. If I hold up an apple and she can say "apple" or some sort of approximation, then that goes on our auditory index as a word.

While we are no where near where we want to be, everyday I see new developments in Riley. I see how she understands so much more and is starting to put two or three word phrases together. She understands how to listen, and use her brain to make decisions based on hearing, not visual.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

To my best friend on her wedding day


Dear Katie,

Wow! I can't believe this day is finally here. The day that you get to become one with the guy of your dreams. The guy I chose to become yours, the guy that makes you a better person. Your wedding day. This day means so much to me and I can't believe I'm here to celebrate every moment with you. The road that it took for you to finally find happiness is one long journey that only the few understand.

We have been friends for over 20 years and I don't think you really understand what all that means to me. I never had sisters but you, Leslie and Jill took that role. You know my strengths, you know my weaknesses; you know what I fear and you know what makes me happy. You know when I'm in a bad situation and you know when I need a big hug. You have supported me through all my decisions good or bad, and you never judge a thing.

Take today slow. Your wedding day it will be one of your best moments of your life, however it goes fast. Enjoy it! As much as today is about the wedding, today is really about the marriage. Even though I've only been married for four years I can tell you that sometimes it is hard. You get things that are thrown at you that you don't plan for. You will fight (probably before the end of the week), and it's okay. remember to love each other even when you don't like each other. Remember to always put Jay first, even when you have four kids running around. Remember to communicate, and most important remember to compromise.

they say that some people come into your life for a reason. Well i say that some people STAY in your life for a reason. Even though everybody is spread out miles and miles away, the coo coos will live on because birds of a feather flock together. 

Love you!








Saturday, April 18, 2015

Letter to my Second Child on her Birthday







Dear Emerson,


Its only fitting that your annual blog post be in second child fashion- late. Time goes by so fast and before I could blink twice, your first birthday was here, then it was gone. You're one. You eat real food and sleep like a big kid with a big blanket. You move around and want to be by your sister all the time and you love your daddy. So many things I've been noticing this week and thought "when did that happen", then life gets busy again and I lose track of time again.

I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know all your facts like how much you weight, height, what your favorite foods are or if you even have teeth. I didn't record each week I was pregnant with you, or make a monthly update for each milestone you hit. Heck, to be honest, I really don't know what month it is half the time. I'm sorry I didn't make you a birthday book or a video movie, or anything really, for your first year of life.

I'm sorry you get hand-me-downs and have to wear what Riley either didn't like or grew out too soon. I'm sorry that there might be grass stains on your shoes or sweet potatoes on your onesies. I'm sorry that you have to share most of your clothes, accessories and toys with your sister; they were hers once. There are so many things I did differently with you then Riley and I'm sorry I didn't do hours research on baby bottles, car seats, cribs and everything else needed to keep a baby alive. I'm sorry.

There is so many things I did differently with you than I did with your sister. Whenever you feel that second child syndrome feeling coming on, know this: you saved me. So many moms say that their children "save them" and now I understand what it means; I feel that way with you. Riley changed me, you saved me.

When Riley was born and I found out she was deaf, I was in shock. I was scared; I felt the most pain and fear I have ever felt in my entire life. I went the whole year very depressed and in a constant state of fear and always waiting for the next bad phone call. I was quiet, reserved, undetermined and wasn't sure what the future would hold. Then you were born.

You have given my those first mother moments that I didn't have with Riley. You smiled when I said your name, you laugh when you hear me laugh, you danced when you heard music; those are things that I didn't have in the first 12 months of Riley's life. All of a sudden I felt like things were going to be okay. I didn't have to spend all day worrying about Riley's therapy and what the next step was; I had another beautiful baby that needed me as much as Riley did.

So while there is so much I am sorry for, it is you that I am so thankful for. It is you that makes your sister smile every morning when she runs in your room to wake you up and It is you that makes this family of four complete (for now) and back on the right track.

Happy Birthday Emmy! We love you more then Starbuck's green tea, more then springtime, and way more then sports talk radio (from your dad).




 



 


Monday, January 26, 2015

Tough Little Boys...

So many times I watch Josh talk about his little girls, and he immediately lights up; the moment you realize they are the light in his eye, the loves of his life, his little girls.

People tell me all the time how Emmy or Riley is a "daddy's girl" and to be honest, it makes me giddy to hear those kind words! You see, I never imagined myself as a girl mom. NOPE, I was always going to be a boy mom, but God had other plans for me. Most of you that know me know that growing up I was always a daddy's girl, so naturally the fact that my babies are daddy's girls make me smile.

I secretly daydream of their wedding day when they are given away by their daddy; I will definitely have to hold him while he cry's like a baby. I listen to countless songs like " Tough Little Boys" and " Daddy's be Good to Your Daughters", and think about those days.

Josh is like a mom/dad, a moad if you want to call it. He is very hands on. Every SINGLE morning he gets up with the girls, feeds Emmy and gets their bag ready for the day. He goes to work, outside, with his hands, then picks them up from daycare. Every. Single. Day. He feeds Emmy dinner and also cleans up dinner. Every. Single. Day. He loves to do laundry and anyone that knows me knows my house is always clean because of him; basically he's the wife I never had!

He's the dad that is watching the Superbowl while dressed in a princess outfit because it makes the girls happy. He is silly; he loves to pretend play. He tells them they are beautiful every  morning and I think Riley is actually starting to secretly love it. She goes running for him every time she gets dressed in the morning. Makes me all mushy; I did the same thing.

The girls adore and love him. That makes my heart happy. I don't get jealous. I understand I'm the parent that is strict, I am the one that will constant push them and be honest. I'm okay with that.

While moms get all the love when it comes to raising kids, here's a shout out to all the dad's out there. I know a lot of girl dad's and it makes my sappy when I see a daughter and her daddy. To any dad's reading this: While the girls look to moms for beauty, cooking and fashion advice, you dad's have the hardest job of all: showing the girls how they should be treated by the way you love their mama. You are their first love.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Advice for New Moms

Being a mom is not what I thought it would be. Its the scariest, most terrifying, uncomfortable, and unbelievably rewarding thing I have ever done. Some days I sit back and admire my two daughters and how beautiful they are becoming; there are other days when I wave my red flag and hope someone comes in my door to let me know I'm on hidden video or something. Motherhood is full of unplanned, unpredictable, crazy moments, and for the type A personality...this could be challenging.

Good thing for my family and everyone that comes in contact with us that I am the complete opposite of type A. I think I'm actually type W or something. I adapt to change easy, I hate to clean and organize; nothing, I mean nothing, has a proper place and if I loose something, I will just buy another!

When you're a new mom everyone is giving you advice. You read blogs, facebook, try to plan your life according to other peoples experience. Stop now! Now that I look back on my first year of motherhood I laugh. The things I thought I wouldn't do, I do (like all the time).

1. Each baby (situation) is different. I've had so many moms give me advice on bottles, wipes, diapers, co sleeping, milestones...etc. Each baby is different and you have to adjust. I wasn't able to breastfeed because I didn't produce any milk. I cried. I felt the worst mom in the history of all moms but I had to adjust. I had to change my plan. My baby needed food and that was my main priority. Riley loved Tommy Tippie bottles, Em will only take Doctor Brown. Be flexible. If your baby doesn't like something, switch it. Just because your favorite cousin did things one way doesn't mean you have to do things the same. Do what's best for  you and your family.

2. Don't take things for granted: Being a mom is a huge change in your life. Well imagine being a new mom and getting news that something is terrible wrong, in the same day! One moment can change your life. That is the moment you realize that you have to work harder than you have ever worked, pray harder then your ever prayed, and sacrifice more than you have ever sacrificed. Being a mom will push you to your limits and each family will go through their own trails and hardships in their lifetime.  I know it's kind of cliché but life throws curveballs and sometimes that makes us better in the long run. Enjoy the moments.

3. If you don't want to be bothered, don't: Sometimes it's okay to not want company. So many people will want to come over, meet the baby and provide support. Which is fine but you are tired, like really tired. Sometimes you just want to be by yourself with your new love. That's okay. You aren't obligated to do anything you don't have to . This is your time, your memory.

4. Do you. Be you. Don't let motherhood consume you: You can still be a good mom and be the person you have always been. You can have fun, have girl nights out, look on pinterest for non baby things and drink wine. If you let motherhood consume you then you loose a part of yourself. I am totally guilty of this and can not judge. The first year of Riley's life I was consumed with her. I had to give her every opportunity, do countless hours of therapy and would stop at nothing to make sure she had everything she needed. I lost me. Take some time for embrace motherhood and who you are becoming as a mother, woman and wife, but don't loose the you, you love.

Being a first time mom is the greatest thing to most moms, but to me it was scary. Trying to keep a newborn fed, alive and happy was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I didn't know anything about sleep training, baby food, or even milestones. I wasn't a mom that read up on everything, knew random statistic, or even realized that babies were supposed to do things by certain months.  I relied on advice to get me though.

It seems funny that I am now the one attempting to give advice when I actually don't know a thing about parenting. I parent day to day. I don't have a plan. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I adapt to whatever that day may bring. Tomorrow is a new day and will certainly bring new challenges, but today is the day! Today is the day you are living and todays is the day to love your kids the best way you know how!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Preferred Qualifications

It's about 8:15 on a Thursday evening and I finally get to sit down. I listen. I hear nothing. I look down to find that I still have my nametag and my suit jacket on; time to get on my jammies and go to bed. Yes, I said it was only 8:15. Three hours before...

I ended my work day at 5pm and realized I had to go to Hobby Lobby to pick up crafts for us to do in Riley's therapy tonight. We have a new therapist (long story) and she is on her game when it comes to doing crafts, reading and cooking during therapy. We use most of our language when actually doing things so we are learning as we do. sounds good to me.

I have to hurry because therapy is at 6:30 and I live 40 minutes from work. I get home around 6pm and have to get the kids fed. Thursdays are usually a crock pot day (thank god for that thing) so its already to go when I get home. We have 20 minutes to get food on plates, feed the baby Emmy and get ready for therapy. I eat standing up because I have to get all the baking supplies, open all the craft materials and get her seat ready for Barb (our online therapist).

6:20 hits and its go time. By the time I have everything ready to go, I get the email from Barb wanting us to sign in on the computer; she is all set. While Josh is still cleaning up and scrubbing off the crock pot, we start our therapy.

Thirty minutes may not seem like a long time in your eyes, but keeping a toddler occupied and engaged for that long is an eternity. We are making a pom pom Christmas tree and glitter water shaker. The pom pom tree went over great; she loved it. She said more, push, on and tree....Yay! The glitter shaker, not so much. She didn't like the fact that the glitter was messy and going everywhere; we had a toddler melt down. Yup, right in the middle of therapy.

Cookies! Were are the baking supplies; she loves to make cookies. As soon as she saw the sugar her face lit up and she was ready to go. She said pour, stir, more and mix...cookies for the win! By the time they are in my Kitchen Aid mixer (another one of my prize possessions) 30 minutes is over and she is heading for bath.

Tonight is Emmy and Riley bath night so I get E's bath filled up and start taking Riley's clothes off. We are starting the potty training so she sits on the potty for about 15 minutes and just gets enough toilet paper to fill clog the toilet. She loves to wipe. Whatever gets her on it.

If I put Emmy in the bath without Riley the water works and screaming starts. She can not have Em in the bath first- Riley goes first. Okay so we put Riley in, then Em; get her waterproof cochlear implant on....Shit that one is not working. Let's try the other one. Works:) She will hear with one ear in the bath. After bath getting dressed in another story. riley will not wear any "normal" kid two piece pajamas. Not my child, she has to wear sweatpants and a big t-shirt that she picks out. Mommy or daddy can  not pick them out.

Baths are done; time for more therapy. Let's read, play with play dough, and do her TIGGLY on the ipad. Is it 8:00 yet??? Nighttime! Both kids are in bed and all of a sudden it is silent. Time for bed!

It's funny because my career is helping student find jobs; everything within the job search process. I look at resumes, cover letters and job descriptions on a daily basis. I coach students on interviewing and where to find jobs. I tell them to not apply for jobs they aren't qualified for....it makes me think. What are the qualifications of being a mom? Sometimes I wonder if the "preferred qualifications" are more than I can handle. If I had to write a job description for being a mom to my children, it would go something like this:

The Niedzwicki family is currently seeking a caretaker and provider on a full time basis. This position will assist the father in all day to day operations and communication. This person is responsible for the training and care of a toddler and a newborn, age 2 and 7 months.
This role requires an understanding of parenting theories and ability to train on these theories. Assists in the development of budgets, coordinates records and maintains flexibility on a daily basis. This individual must be able to work in a team, organized and have a strong ability to communicate effectively. Patience is a must.

REQUIRED: Must be able to multi task; 3-5 years experience in supervising and or elementary education training.  Must be able to work long hours, overtime and receive little compensation for your efforts. Ability to take harsh criticism and be tired all hours of the day. Working with a diverse staff and able to think of your feet. Experience problem solving and risk taking is key to this position. Valid drivers license. 

PREFERRED: 5-7 years experience in elementary education with experience in a supervisory role. Ability to eat cold foods and not shower alone for 10 years is a must. Ability to think on your feet and be consistent. Computer proficient with knowledge of picture editing. Fort building is kept in this role; must understand the importance of growing personalities. Ability to French braid.  Desired: Budget management experience with flexibility for emergencies. Able to be flexible in a situation you could never dream up yourself. ability to make everything better.

As I love my kids with everything I have, some days I  need a do over. A day  to say "Lets do that one again so I can be better". As moms, we constantly feel we aren't good enough or we are being judged for every little thing our child says and does; Maybe we are the ones judging us. If this were a real job description,  I would never apply because I'm not qualified; in real life this is my full time job. Some days we are moving up the corporate latter, and other days (like Thursdays) we hope we get through the day with both kids fed, dressed, bathed and sleeping in their own bed. If all those things happen then we are doing an okay job!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

And Now We Wait...

And now we wait. This time around seems a little bit different then the others; not sure how or why, it just does. Maybe because we know what to expect; we know the ins and outs of the hospital: the nurse will come around every hour and the doctor will be out when Riley is in recovery. Maybe it's because we already have hope. Riley already has one implant working well and progressing as expected.

Maybe it's because we are anxious; i have been waiting for this day since last December and want to move on with our lives. I want her to be able to hear with both ears, not worry about infection and  be her own kind of normal. People ask me how I am. They want to know how I am feeling. I'm feeling calm.

I don't know how to explain it really. Josh and I have two beautiful daughters and are in a great place in our lives. Emerson is 5 months old today and our Riley Mae is in surgery on her way to hearing all the beautiful things in this world- with both ears.

When we got to the hospital this morning, yes at 5:20am, Riley just held on tight. I doubt she can really recall the past surgeries but she definitely knew something was up. She sat there, they took her vitals. She sat there, they went over all her history. When it was time for her to go, she just wanted to get into the Step 2 car and go. Mommy didn't want her to.

So now we wait. Josh sleeps, and I blog. We wait until the nurse comes around again to give us an update. We wait with other families. There a family next to us who's son is having open heart surgery. there are about 30 family member, pop, chips and all kind of snacks. families pulling together when it matters the most; reminds me of Riley's first surgery June 18th 2013.

I may be calm because she is so strong. She's not even two yet and already she is teaching me more than I have taught her. I learn patience from her, I learn to wait. teaching her to learn to listen makes me learn to listen also. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to go for it. I already know this about her at such a young age. She isn't shy. She laughs and tries to do exactly what you do, she loves to imitate (hopefully that is gone by the time she's in high school).

Nurse just came by and told us she's doing great! "Such a strong little girl". It should only be an hour out before she's in recovery. 

I really believe everything happens for a reason, its so cliche I know. Riley was given to us for a reason. We moved to Indiana for a reason and had the opportunity to be part of the the Riley Hospital at IU Health family…for a reason. This place has been awesome to us. It's 2 hours each way from our house but there is no distance I wouldn't drive to give our daughter the best care. Riley Hospital is that. This morning they gave Riley a little doctor set so she could play doctor when they were doing her vitals. Everything they do is for the childs experience; their comfort level.  I hope our journey continues with their support in audiology and speech therapy.

I know she won't remember this experience, but I will. I will always be grateful for the opportunities that she will have because of Riley Hospital and Dr. Yates and his team. Every time I see him it's bitter sweet; we love seeing him, but we wish it was under different circumstances.

I go back to when I first found out Riley was deaf and we were researching hospitals and doctors. We looking at Columbus Children's Hospital and Chicago Children's Hospital. Both have great cochlear implant departments and have great reputation; however when I met Dr. Yates, I knew this was the surgeon that I wanted working on Riley. He's a perfectionist, he cares and the amount of research he does on cochlear implant implantation, activation, and oral speech communication floors me. He works non stop, goes off the Washington DC to meet with other research developers for the cochlear implant. He has three daughters himself; he's a family man. And most of all, the first time she had her surgery, he came out after 9 hours of surgery and said "thank you for letting me take care of your daughter". No thank you Dr. Yates.





Monday, September 8, 2014

In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughters eyes, I can do no wrong. She looks at me with admiration, with no fear, with the sense that her mommy is the best mommy around. When in reality I struggle. I fear. I don't know what the future holds and that can be scary. But in her eyes everything is perfect.

703 days ago I gave birth to a daughter who was deaf. I think in reality it took me over 1 year to actually say the word deaf instead of hearing loss, or nothing at all. I remember the pain I went through the first 6 months thinking about her future and what opportunities I can give her. Doesn't every parent want this?

In my daughters eyes I know everything. She can come to me and I can fix everything. If she's crying, I know how to calm her. If she's excited, I know why. Lately it's been hard. I read other CI (cochlear implant) parent blogs and they assure me that one day your life begins to feel normal again.. When is that exactly? I still feel unbelievable sadness because I still wait for her to have  a revelation and use spoken language to talk to us. Tell us what she wants; but she doesn't know how. Parenting to me involves therapy, learning to listen sounds, Ling 6, auditory sandwich, conditioned play and everything else that will help with her spoken language. Every book I read, gift I give her, or sound she makes has something to do with her development.

In my daughter's eye she is not different. She doesn't know what the world is like; How people judge and make assumptions based on appearance, monetary things and your successes in life. She doesn't know that she is special. I try to give her every opportunity she can and let her just be a child, but I can't. She is different and the harder I work now, the better her life will be later. Riley doesn't know that everyone doesn't have a CI. Every child she meets she's going to have to explain that she has a CI and that's how she hears. It's my job to teach her to be her own advocate and be proud of who she is.

In my daughter's eyes I am her main teacher. Through her eyes I give more when I want to give up. I break down sometimes and need a break. I shut my door and sit down and take deep breaths. I yell and get frustrated at the progress but yet amazed by her perseverance. I get back up, look at her, and in her eyes realize that she sees no wrong. I realize that we are the main piece in her success. That's not about having a deaf child; its about being a parent.

Through my daughters eyes I am her hero. The steps I take, she will follow. The heartbreak I go through, she will also feel. This makes me put one foot in front of the other and be the best parent I know how to be with the situation we have. In reality, looking through her eyes brings a little bit of me back everyday. I couldn't imagine not being Riley's mommy.

”Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” ~Linda Wooten

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Pale is the New Pretty

They say I am one of the lucky ones; I caught it early and I should feel really lucky. The truth is, when you hear the word Cancer in any form...it changes you. I've spent my whole summer thinking back, feeling guilty and going through every occurrence in my head. When all of my friends and family are at the pool this summer sunbathing, I was (and still am) getting wide excisions done on my skin. I currently have on 6 inch scar, and 2 other scars with a fourth on the way. Every time I go in, is every time we find something.....

Let me go back...I have always been a sun worshiper; I love the sun. I sun bathed with tanning oil, lotion and even baby oil some days. I took spring break trips, summer vacations and tanned in the tanning beds during the winters. I always loved a sun kissed glow; even though it didn't love me. I remember getting burnt all the time- that was how I could tell I would get tan. I got burnt,  then the tan would come a couple days later. I loved summer...I could lay out all day and read a whole book. Times have changed.

I have always gone to the dermatologist once a year for annual check ups but haven't since we moved to Indiana. I am always healthy, rarely sick and haven't even been to the family doctor in years. Well I noticed a mole on my chest when I was pregnant with Emerson that was unusual. It was getting bigger and darker. When I showed my OB she suggested I go in immediately and get it removed; You don't have to tell me twice. I was able to get in that next week and got it removed...it was what came next that changed my life.

My doctor called me directly and asked me to come in immediately; I knew from that moment it wasn't a good situation. Once he was able to talk to me he told me the mole came back and it wasn't good....it was Melanoma. I swear that is all I heard in the whole conversation. I went numb. Melanoma, cancer? Really? He said we caught it early but the next 5 years will determine my fate. 90% of melanoma stage 1 survivors are alive in 5 years. Okay, what about the other 10%? To think about cancer and not being around for my daughters scared me. It totally freaked me to say the least.

Once I did my excision, they removed a couple more moles. Those came back Displastic (pre cancer); I had to have more excisions on those. I am going on my 4th excision in one month and it doesn't stop there. Every 3 months I have to get a full body exam where I sit on the chair and two of them examine every inch of my body. Melanoma is the most deadly skin cancer killing one person ever hour. They say I'm one of the lucky ones....

This has been a lifestyle change for me. I wear sunscreen, all the time. It's in my moisturizer, my makeup, my lotion, everything. I wear spf clothing and cover up all the time in the sun. I seek shade on all occasions or wear hats it I can't have shade. To say cancer changed my life is an understatement. Most people think Melanoma is "just skin cancer" but they just aren't educated. 1 out of 4 melanoma cases come back, and she attacks hard- goes right for the lymph nodes and organs. Most people wont know it came back without PET scans. Again...I'm one of the lucky ones.

I wouldn't say I feel sad. I don't. I feel mostly guilt. Why didn't I know that tanning caused skin cancer? Why didn't I protect myself in the sun? How could I have been irresponsible with my skin care and now I am paying the ultimate price? It seems like once my family is up and in good spirits, something else comes knocking our way. God only gives you things you can handle...right? I'm beginning to wonder.....

My goal is to educate people. You can still lay out in the sun and be protected; you DO get sun tan through sunscreen. The SPF will just block the harmful rays and the rays that cause aging. Absolutely do NOT go to the tanning bed- use the spray tan if you want to look tan. My future is bright and I plan to be around to see my girls get married; I will not let my love for the sun take over my judgement to take care of myself. I will be pale. Besides look at these celebrities....Pale is the new Pretty!