Life's Challenges: a Riley story

Today I am linking up with another "mamma blogger" Becky to tell my story...


The last time I've blogged was almost a month ago....wowsa! I have been a bad blogger and hope to pick my game up and blog much more.

My little family has gone through some challenges the past month and to tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if I was going to keep blogging my life on the internet or not. Don't get me wrong, I love to blog and it sorta has been like theraputic for me (which I am sure it is for everyone that blogs).

Challenges come and go in daily life and some things you take for granted on a daily basis. Most of my life has been great but I feel I have gone through quite a few challenges and they just keep coming. When it comes to your own child, the love is so great that you could move a mountain. Everyone always tells you that "your life will be forever changed", or "it's a love like no other" but you don't really truly understand until you have a child. Until that little one is in your arms do you truly understand what love is.

Our lives were forever changed on October 7, 2012 when Riley Mae Niedzwicki made an early appearance in this world. Perfect healthly 5 lb 18 inches, all ten toes and finger and a cry that could melt your heart. Once you realize all that is perfect, you can finally breathe right? WRONG! You think the worry is going to stop once the child is here but it is only just beginning.

The days at the hospital were such a blur to me since I had so many emotions going on. They do a bunch of tests on the baby before they discharge everyone to make sure everything is okay with mamma and baby. You really pray everything is okay but you never actually thing there wouldn't be perfect. When a doctor tells you something is wrong, your heart literally breaks.

One of the tests they do on babies is the hearing test. This is a state mandated test to ensure a babies hearing is okay. It is mandatory because they earlier you detect hearing loss, the greater chance of the baby (child) having normal hearing and speech. When the nurse told me that Riley failed the hearing test I was devastated and wanted so me answers quick. Everyone, including doctors and nurses, ensured me that everything should be okay because she was early and most babies fail their hearing test at an early agae. We made an appointment at the ENT specialist to haave a follow up right away. I definitely wanted a piece of mind and couldn't wait much longer to have the follow up.

A couple weeks passed and I really didn't think much into it. My pediatrician said she was alert, growning and doing awesome for her age and weight. The specialist day came and mommy, daddy and baby riley packed up and drove to fort wayne (that is the closest specialist to our small little town). The test took about an hour and Riley was sound asleep the whole time. The want the baby to be asleep for the test and being she was so little, this was not a problem at all. The hooked her up to two wires that were attached to her ear lobes and put a wire in her ear that had the range of pitches.

Around 40 minutes into the test I started to get alittle nervous because the audiologist did not have any positive facial expressions (yes I analyze everything and anything) and I asked her if Riley could hear the pitches and she really didn't give me a complete answer. It was then that I started to panic. I looked at Josh and he could tell that something was wrong.

The audiologist came back with the results.....something no mother would ever want to hear. Riley has severe hearing loss in her left ear and profound in her right ear. Profound is the correct term for "deaf" meaning she has no hearing in the right ear. Every thing after that was a blur, I couldn't tell you what else she was talking about. She asked us if we had any questions....aaaa YES! How did this happen? Will she grown into it? what about speech? Will she have a normal life? Is this something I did to make this happen? The questions were endless.

The reality of it is that Riley will get hearing aids before 3 months old and she will be a candidate for the coclear implants at 12 months (the FDA won't approve it until 12 months). The coclear implants are implanted into your ear through surgery. It is like having a bionic ear and the doctor told us if her having normal speech is our ultimate goal, then the implants are the way to go. So yes, we are going the implant route.

I think part of me is still in shock that this is going on. Ever mother wantst the best for her children and I just pray pray pray that I can give her all the tools she needs to make this challenge into a positive. As a mother that carried her child for 9 months, the guilt was overpowering. Was it something I ate? Could I have prevented this? Was it because she was premature? The reality of it is that God has a plan for our family that is bigger than anyone could imagine. He puts challenges in your life because he knows you can overcome them. Riley is such a gift to our family and I know that she is going to teach us so much more than we can teach her. She has brought so much joy to all the lives she has touched.

There is still a part of me that feels the test were wrong, she can hear me. She looks in my direction, or her eyes get big when I talk to her. We are going to take it day by day and not worry to much about the future. The plan TODAY is to get her in some hearing aids and go from there. I am comitted to learning sign language and working with her everyday with a speech therapist to make sure her speech is as normal as any child. There is nothing we wouldn't do for this little girl. She has filled a void in our lives that I never knew was there.

I love this one...

This is our story of our challenge that lies ahead. It is not something you wish for, or even really thing is going to happen but it does. 1 in every 100 children are born with hearing loss in this country. I am just thankful that they found it when they did and we can move forward.

Have a great Tuesday.

xoxoxo
Shannon

One Month Young

Dear Riley,

I can not believe that you are already one month today! Time does really fly by. You are such a joy in your daddy and momma's life. I can not imagine one day with out you. They say your life changes when you have a child but I guess I never knew how much my life would change when you were born. I'm not talking about change like "I can't just go to the movies change" (even though that has changed too), I'm talking about the love that we have as a family now. Every single decision I make now in made with you in mind. You have brought our family to life and no one could ever replace this feeling.

There are so many things I would like to shelter you from, or make sure you don't make the same mistakes that your father and I once made. Life is a journey and the destination is not what it is about. You are going to make mistakes and fall some time in your life. If we didn't go through everything we went through we wouldn't be where we are...we wouldn't be WHO we are. I think one of the best things about life is that it goes by fast...enjoy it, take it in, and don't look back on things that you could have changed because in the end it makes you, well you so keep moving forward.

You are the prettiest baby I have ever seen, of course I may be biased, but can you blame me with that face? Today was your one month doctor's appointment and you were 6 lbs and 11 oz., 3% of your age...woohoo we are now on the growth charge. Needless to say, your head was in the 25% so I know you are going to be one smart little girl.

 

 

You just started sleeping in your crib last night and I was in there about 10 times checking on you to make sure everything was okay. I think I should just sleep in there instead of you sleeping in our room. That way you are sleeping in your crib and I am there if anything happens, best of both worlds? Not cool though...I know. That probably won't be good when your 12 and want friends to sleep over.

 

For now I won't worry about when you grow up, I will just take in every second with you and enjoy the ride. Our lives are just begining. Happy one month baby girl and we can not wait for every single memory with you.

 

Love Momma

 

 

Christmas 2012

Since it is now November 3rd I feel it is totally appropriate to start bringing Christmas into our lives. I am so ready for christmas music, decorations, wrapping presents and even crazy shopping people. I am really temped to put up my christmas tree already. I have 4 more weeks of maternity leave and that would make me very very happy. I doubt hubby will actually let me do that...we will see.

Everyone knows how I love Christmas and the holidays but this year is extra special. The first christmas with Riley Mae is going to be one to remember. We will have a lot of first this year but she is going to love Christmas as much as her momma.

This year I feel that I have everything I need in life. I have family that is asking me for a list of things I want but I have everything I could ask for. I just want a relaxing Christmas with family and friends. Christmas eve at the Jones's is anything but relaxing, with 30+ people and now 2 newborns being passed around. Yikes...I can't wait.

BUT if you have to get me something, here are some of the things on mommys list. It is very hard for me to even think of "non baby items" but that is what I've been told to do.

I really need some new clothes. I am sure some of you are rolling your eyes at this because I have a ton of clothes but new baby equals new momma. I think my clothes are going to fit differently and I am hitting the gym hard for my post baby body after the new year. I love gift cards from express, HM, tj maxx, kohls, Old Navy.

I also would LOVE a new northface jacket here with these Tom shoes also here. I so hope Santa is reading this!

I also LOVE these slings made by sleeping baby products here in pool blue, spring green or coral pink. I saw these slings in a magazine and through other blogging moms. How cute would my little peanut be in one of these in spring. I am not sure if this is for mom or baby yet? I think more for momma.

Riley will be so young this year that she won't even remember this christmas. Im sure that doesn/t mean that she won't be just as spoiled. I know we are getting her the first christmas ordament and the holiday 2012 barbie doll. I wanted to get her the doll that was from her birth year. Hopefully she will keep in the box for safe keeping....who am I kidding?

No matter what Santa Claus brings, I already have our miracle. I just ask for our health, home and happiness. In the meantime....get that tree up and CRANK UP THE JINGLE BELLS!

Shannon

Due Date

Since today is actually the day that Riley was due to make her entrance in this world. I thought it would be a perfect time to write "our story" or as most call it, "our journey". It is amazing that she has been here for over 3 weeks so far and today was supposed to be her actual birthday. Take it from me...those dates are just guesses and never 100%. I couldn't imagine my life without her these past 3 weeks.

I was really hestitant to write our journey on the blog because once I do...it is out there, on the internet, for everyone to read, judge and have an opinion. Our journey is something that is really personal for me and a time in my life I will never forget. Many blog moms (or TTC moms) have inspired me to put our story out there. Hopefully it can be hope for women.

We tried for two years to get pregnant, I know that is not that long for some couples but to me it was a lifetime. Josh and I got married in September of 2010 and started trying right away. I am 32 and I knew I was going to have some issues trying to conceive (TTC). I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 20 years old. I went off birth control in college and never really thought it was going to be an issue...until I wanted to start a family.

For those of you that know me, know I am very driven, I also put a lot of pressure on myself in every situation. This was no different. I started going to a fertility specialist right away from the Cleveland Clinic (one of the best) and got some tests taken. Hormone levels were alittle off but nothing to be too concerned about. We also got Josh tested and his little swimmers were PERFECT. That was ahuge relief because male infertility is a lot more scary then mine.

We started the clomid and started "baby making" regularly. You see, there is a big difference between baby making and love making. For those of you in this process, you totally understand. During this process we picked up and moved to Indiana from Cleveland, no big deal right? It was very stressful, fun and emotional all the same time. I missed my family so, but was excited to have a fresh start. We needed it.

One week after we moved to Indiana, we found out we were pregnant off of the Clomid. It was amazing. Totally one of those songs were you are laughing, crying and jumping up and down like you won the lottery. The baby was due October 25th, we were estatic.

One week later we had a miscarriage, we lost our little baby. We were both devistated. I do not wish that on my worst enemy. So we picked ourselves up and kept trying and trying. Weeks and months went by with no positive result. We started seeing an RE here in Indiana (who was a buckeye fan so we couldn't go wrong). We absolutely loved him. We drove 2 hours each way to go and see him once a month because he was the best. We had Josh tested again, had my dye test and had more hormone tests for me.

In the meantime we prayed...and prayed and prayed. I turned to God so many times during this time. I wasn't really raised with a strong faith background, or didn't have much faith in my life. This felt like my last hope. This process was staining on me, and my marriage.

Doc found I was "insulin resistant" and  put my on metformin from Halloween 2011 through the holidays. After the holiday we were to start the shots and get us pregnant! The holidays came and went and the medicine was not working. I was not regular and still not ovulating. I went 4 months without a menstual cycle and decided to put TTC behind us and start the house hunting! We found an awesome house we absolutely love....and guess what?? it has a swingset:)

The time came were the doctor wanted us to start the shots and give me something to bring on my menstrual cycle. I told him to hold off because I felt like it was coming and wanted it to come naturally. I waited about another week and still nothing. Doctor told me to take a pregnancy test and come in and start the next process. I got home from my spinning class and did what the doctor ordered. The test came out POSITIVE...I was pregnant. I took 3 more tests....all positive.

What..could this be real? This time it wasn't a crying, jumping, crazy moment. Josh got home from the grocery, I walked out and said "I'm pregnant" and we both just stood there, and looked at each other. It was surreal.

Infertility is hard, and it an be a long long process. I  think people that don't experience it really understand what it can do to a woman, or a couple.It definitely changed me, made Josh and I stronger. I hope to have more babies in the near future but refuse to put my family through this stress again. We have our angel and the rest is up to God's plan.

 Don't tell women to "relax" or "it will happen". Even though it did happen for us when I relaxed and didn't put pressure on it, I would never say that to another couple TTC. It is all in God's plan, and when God's plan isn't your plan...rely on each other.

I am grateful everyday for this little girl in my life. Every 2 hours and wake up, every diaper change and every time I pick her up and she stops crying. I kiss her and appreciate every. single. moment.

 

Riley, we love you! You are truly the best gift.

 

Shannon and Josh

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Life Lately

First I have to say that being a mom is awesome. I have no idea what I am doing most of the time but it is the most rewarding thing EVER. I am a total "Momma in Training" these days and asking a LOT of questions. It seems like my mom knows it all now, I call or text her like once a day now! Even my friends that have kids know everything there is to know about poop, diapers, sleep deprivation and sleep patterns. It makes me happy they all had kids first! I've had such great support.

When they tell you your life changes the second you become a mom...they are not lieing. Having a newborn changes everything in your life. I found myself looking up baby clothes and headbands and no longer looking up cute fall outfits on Pinterest for mommy.

Riley is now 3 weeks young (old) and  is growing up so fast. She is very alert most of the time but still gets her beauty sleep on and off during the day and night. She has one period of sleeping 4 hours but is mostly up every 3 hours. Who knew sleep deprivation could be so awesome....

 

Daddy is also a HUGE help when it comes to Riley. He gets home from work and is on "baby duty", while I read, blog or cook dinner. He helps out with feeds at night so we both end up getting some sleep. There is nothing sexier to me than a good dad and boy did I score the jackpot on that one.

Harvest time is upon us and our neighbors are hard at work. These farmers are out all the time lately. Friday they were out at our nidnight feeding, then again at six oclock when we were getting up again. I guess they only really do this type of work twice a year but man are they working right now. The whole country and farming is still so intriqueing to me. I had no idea...

Our view from our front yard neighbors.

 

Back yard neighbors

 

See when I tell everyone I live in Indiana in the country, now you know it's for REAL.

 

What else is upon us soon. CHRISTMAS! Christmas is 56 days away and I can. not. wait. Everyone that knows me, knows it is my most favorite time of year (goes along with fall and football season). I can't wait for the decorations, wrapping presents, crazy malls and line, snow, cold, family and friends. I haven't even think of anything this year that I "want" or "need" because I have everything I have ever asked for right below!

 

Happy Monday

 

Thank you to Kay at Life After Blog for creating my new blog design. It is fun, classy and stylish!

 

xoxoxox

Shannon

Packing up the Pump

Okay Okay...so it has been two weeks and I already had my first "I am failing as a mom" moment. I think that actually happened in the first week. It has taken me one more week to get over it (kind of).

Everyone knows that I am(was) dead set on breast feeding. I mean I have it all...breast pump, nursing pads (like 500), storage bags, nursing bras and everything else you will possibly need to have a heathy breast feeding baby. I have read all the articles that tell you breast is best. I know and understand what I have to do to go back to work full time and breast feed. WELL....just like everything else, it didn't go as planned. Here is my story:

Baby Riley was early and I was not producing anything, no colustrum, milk or anything. I don't even think my breast grew during my pregnancy at all. Since Riley was so small we had to start feeding her something. The doctors let us know that most babies can survive off little once they are born because of the vitamins they received from my placenta and cord. She needed some food to help her gain weight.

Part of my birth plan (again we all know how my plan worked out) was to have skin to skin breast feeding right away after delivery. Since I had a c section I was in recovery for about an hour after the delivery so that didn't really work out. She was having trouble latching on because of how small she was. So we used a nipple shield with a feeding tube and sringe. I know it sounds complicated but I was against giving her formula in the first place and did not want her to be introduced to the bottle before I could even breast feed.

Well then I pumped. I pumped every two hours, had her try and feed every two hours and then resorted to the formula (high calorie) that the hospital was providing us. Again this was all through a feeding tube, skin to skin, and attached to the breast. My goal was to keep trying until it worked. I was determined.

Then we got home. Feedings took abotu 1 1/2 each time. I was still determined to get her on the breast milk. I just was not producing anything...nothing was happening. The little that I did produce she would gulp right up and be starving, I mean CRY YOUR HEAD OFF starved. Once I finally gave her the formula (again the the feeding tube) she was gulp it like she had never eaten before. That was my OFFICIAL I am failing as a mom moment. My baby was starved and I wasn't able to norish her??!!

Then the realization came when I went to the pedetrician. She lost a couple ounces since she was home. She was born at 5 lbs, came home at 4 and 12 oz, and was 4 and 10 two days later. His concern was she wasnt getting enough food. She was alway starved.

Still I pumped, and pumped, and fed her through the nipple shield with the feeding tube. My last resort was my appointment with my lacation nurse. After taking new herbs, still pumping and my milk ducts not producing anything, she gave me two options. Both were prescription medications that would (maybe) help my produce. One is something you get from a combine pharmacy, or overseas in New Zealand (really?) or the other is one you can take once and it has a high rate of depression. Okay that sounds like something I am willing to do. I just had a newborn and already think I am failing...I think my hormones had enough depression from one lifetime.

AFter talking about it with Josh, we decided against the prescription and I was going to give it up (i hate those words) but I did. I cried, cried and felt so guilty it killed me.

Today we are doing great and have already gained a pound since the big decision. The feeding are easier with Josh in the mix and she loves her Tommee Tippie bottles. They are a total newborn musthave because they are designed to resemble a breast nipple.

Sweetie I tried! Just remember that mom gave it her all but in the end your nurishment is more important because I just was not producing. So that folks is why I am PACKING UP THE PUMP.

Since I have this awesome newborn, I have so many great  posts to write about. Here are some that are coming your way:

Riley Mea's Musthaves
Delivery Story
Our Journey
My Pregnancy (hopefully with maternity pics)
The NURSERY...it will be done this week

Happy Tuesday

Shannon
xoxoxoxo

2 Weeks Young

Dear Riley,

I can't believe you are two weeks young already. I know you will read this one day and laugh, but two weeks have flown by. The next thing I know you are going to be 16 when I blink again. I am just enjoying every single moment I have with you when I am home on leave. I know when I go back I will be such a mess...but enough talk about that for now.

You are getting bigger and bigger by the day. You were 4 lbs 10 oz when we brought you home and now you are 5 lbs 3 oz. You can tell you keep gaining weight because your face is filling out and you are almost out of premmie clothes. Our little girl is getting so big.

You love your hands and arms. You can not have them tied down at all. This means in a swaddle, carseat or your swing. You will let us know really quick that you are not having that. You have long fingers like me. We will try to get a basketball in your hands right away, or maybe some piano or swimming lessons. I will contact the YMCA right away (even though its not for a couple years).

You are starting to smile, or it could be gas, but whatever it is, it is ADORABLE. We just can not get enough of you. I hold you all. the. time. You love to be on my chest and will fall asleep or soothe yourself right when you hit my chest. I think you recognize my smell and heartbeat from those 9 months you were inside my belly.

You love your rock n play sleeper and your boppy pillow. You do not like getting undressed at any time. I think your dad likes this and is thinking for the future. The only time you cry is when you are getting undressed, diaper changes or if your extremely hunger. Usually we have to wake you up to feed you so when you cry out of hunger, you are STARVED. We try not to let that happen since we switched to formula.

I love everything about you and your hiccups. Dad and mom couldn't be more proud of you and look forward to every single day in our future.

Love,

Mom