The Coo Coos

Friendship means so many different things to me and it's hard to explain to some people. Our group of friends have been together since grade school and have cried together when you think you can't take anymore and celebrated life when your life rocks! My girls are the coo coo's- you may remember the Ya Ya sisterhood, well it is very similar to that. These are the sisters that I chose, the ones that know all my fears, lived through my faults and embraced who I am today.


Friendship means standing by your best friend on their wedding day when you know they are following their heart; not necessarily their head. It's driving four hours one way when you best friend gives birth, then picking up and driving back home that same day. It's being the first one at the funeral home when you loose a loved one unexpectedly. Friendship is blasting "Like a Virgin" in college and dancing around your apartment for hours; laughing and making memories.

Friendship is not judging, but understanding. Understanding that we are all different and we don't have to have the same life as everyone else, and we don't want to. It's realizing that you have been friends for 20 years and so proud of the mothers, wives, and women they have become. You treat their children as your own and understand that it's okay for them to have other friends. Friendship is not letting distance make you grow apart, but having a phone date with a glass of wine is just as fun as a girls night out.

The Coo Coo's embrace their imperfections as mothers and women and rely on each other to help them get through life. We laugh until we cry and cry until we are cracking up. Life is short to not laugh at yourself. Friendship is saying your sorry. The Coo Coo's understand my love for the red carpet and know when I need a hug.

Friendship is forgiving before you even know you did something wrong. It's really being there...literally. Knowing that as we get older life gets busy; don't let time be the reason you go weeks without talking. It's calling because you heard a song on the radio or saw something so funny that only your fellow coo coo's would understand.

This past weekend I went back home to Avon Lake and was able to be reunited with these girls. We laughed, we talked and we cried. We went and got best friend tattoos and now are bonded for life! I got to see their children and hang out with their loved ones- everything about last weekend was awesome.

I can only hope that my daughters will have friendships as solid as ours. Ones that aren't scared to tell you the truth, but don't judge you in the meantime. Friendships that celebrate everyone's accomplishments and aren't competitive in nature. Ones that are honest but comforting when they were totally right and you didn't listen. A friendship that is easy; one that doesn't require you to dress a certain way or be in the same economic class. Once they have these type of friendships, a Coo Coo is born!

Birds of a feather flock together....

Cochlear Implant Child

Being a mom of a child with cochlear implants is different. I can't really explain it any other way but just different. Now that I have a hearing child, it makes it even more relavant that my first time as a mom was...different. Ok, ill be honest, it was HORIFYING. Before Riley was able to hear I couldn't soothe her with my voice. She didn't hear the sounds of the television or vacuum cleaner to wake her up. She never turned to sounds or was startled when I walked in the door; this is all stuff I am learning right now with Emerson.

Cochlear implants parents experience different things that eventually seem "normal", whatever that is. Nothing surprises you and you are constantly aware of your surrounding. I have been thinking about how my life is different and thought I would make a list. You know you're a mom of a child with cochlear implants if:

1. You use the word CI more than eat, sleep or bath.
2. calendars do you no justice- I live day by day to make sure everyone (including daycare, grandma and dad) is on the same page with days we have therapy- which is three times per week.
3. You will be amazed by how many times you can say "moo" or "quack" in an hour (200 to be exact).
4. Everything is a teaching moment
5. Troubleshooting a red light is like diagnosing a chronically ill patient
6. you are terrified of plastic slides
7. You are on a first name basis with you audiologist and the company that makes your implant- in our case Advanced Bionic.
8. Fed Ex comes to your house about once a week
9. People stare at you- and your child. It makes you sad but they do.
10. When traveling anywhere, you grab extra cords, batteries, processors and anything else you can find.
11. You constantly fear your child throwing their CI in the toilet- my worst nightmare
12. You hear things- things you never really "heard" before, you hear. Cars driving by can be so exciting to someone who has never heard them
13. When they are sleeping you can be as loud as you want; this is also good for bad storms in the middle of the night.
14. The I love you sign is your family symbol; and we don't even use sign language
15. When someone says "are you deaf" in public, I get nausaus in my stomach
16. Brown Bear is your favorite book you read everynight
17. You dread the day you have to have "the talk" and answer question on why she is different from her sister and everyone else.
18. You know what "Ling 6" and "Learning to Listen" sounds are
19. You can't understand why parents teach their kids the alphabet in the bathtub
20. waterproof CI's are the best thing since sliced bread.
21. You look at your child and still get an overwhelming sadness; you're still not over it.
22. You realize your child's education is your responsibility; not the states or school systems

I sometimes wonder what life would be like if Riley wasn't born deaf or didn't have cochlear implants. The reality is I couldn't really imagine her without it. Its a big part of who she is and who we have become as a family. She will never know any different...and that's okay with us!

She's HERE!

Well two months ago she's here. I have been a really bad blogger and I apologize. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. Now with two babies under two life is pretty crazy amazing. I also have been contemplating what to do with my blog since I now I have to babies. I created this blog as a journey for me, on my road to motherhood, then it became a mom blog and a baby book for Riley, then it became all about riley and her hearing journey; I'm going to keep it to that. There may be some parenting, mommy posts here and there but I want to keep the Mae flowers and focus on her journey. Now more than ever I am so motivated to get her access to sound and developing expressive language.

Now back to Emerson Marie....

She's an angel. Such a gem. A beauty. I can't imagine my life without her already. This experience of motherhood the second time around is just as amazing. The love keeps growing for these girls. I never knew how I could love more than Riley Mae, but I do. It just happens.

Emerson passed her hearing test with flying colors! Thank you jesus. Even though we were totally prepared if she didn't, I thank God she did. Having a baby that is hearing is a whole different experience.

Riley love Emma. She runs up to her if she's crying. She pets her and pats her back. She tries to pick her up if she's crying; until I run up because she might throw her across the room:) I am just so proud of how she has taken to Em. I was nervous about her being jealous but that isn't the case at all. She's going to be the best big sister.

 

 

My heart if complete (for now). I have everything I want right here in my little family. Emerson makes everything better. I can't wait to see them grow and go through all of life's challenges, tribulations and most important memories:)  

Mother's Day to me….

Mother's Day is a holiday that means so little to some, and the biggest day of the year to others. Everyone has a mom in their life. You could be a mom, you have a mom, someone like a mom, your best friends are moms, you're a dog mom, you have a step mom or maybe you are a mom to be. Mother's day means so many different things to so many different people; to me mother's day means taking time for whoever that special mom is.

Mother's day to me means sleepless nights and long days. It mean's long hours of speech therapy so your daughter has endless opportunities. To me it means watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse over and over and over, and secretly loving it. It means shearing a popsicle on the porch before bed; going through countless bubbles and saying "POP" over and over.

To me mother's day is going to target for diapers and coming out with a couple outfits because the girls need one more pair of leggings. Some days it's not taking showers and forgetting to eat. It means going to the grocery store is your "get away" for the week. It means worrying that you are making the right decisions for your children; it means your diet consists of chicken fingers and mac and cheese because that is the only thing your children like to eat . It means putting someone else's needs before your own.

To me mother's day reminds me of all the mom's that have taught me about motherhood and paved the path I now walk down; all the veteran's in my life. I thank you. I thank you Jill for teaching me about  time; time is a true gift. Spend time with the ones you love. You constantly amaze me with your strength and love you have in your heart. I look up to you for being a single mother and beating all the odds. Riley is lucky to have such a great godmama.  Thank you Leslie for showing me that you CAN do things with little time. No lie- you are amazing. I compare my crazy life to yours and don't know how you work full time and have 5 kids, a dog and a traveling husband.

Mom- thank you for loving me unconditionally. Now I know how a mother loves their children and realize that you are no different. You had me at a very young age and made the best decisions you knew how to at that time. All those decisions made me into the person I am today; the mother I am.

To all the new moms in my life- you are amazing. Never doubt yourself and never compare yourself or your mothering values to others.

Everyday is mother's day because I think about what motherhood means to me daily. However I like to spend Mother' Day thinking of all the mothers that do so much for others and little for themselves. To my mother in law, my coworkers, Joyce, my friends, my boss, and everyone else I forgot- Happy mother's Day! I wish you have a great day no matter how you choose to spend it. You are amazing!

To my first born....

My Sweet Riley Mae,

I sit here an begin to type and think about everything I wish I could put int this letter. In 20 short days you will no longer be an only child; we will be bringing another loving piece of this family in the world. In 20 short days your life will change forever. You will never know the difference, you will never know what life was like without your sister at your hip- but I will. I always will.

There's a part of me that wonders how I could ever love another child like I love you. How on earth can my heart fit all of that love into my life? I have heard time and time again that it just does. All your children fit into your life like a puzzle, that with so much prayer, came together just as it should. You are by far by biggest accomplishment so far; there is no degree or success at work that will ever compare to how proud I am of you.. You are my first born and that will never change. You made me a mommy. I can't remember my life not being your mommy.

This past eighteen months has been the scariest, most painful, happy, most awesome time of my life. The challenges you have already over came lets me know that one day you will walk at my front door and be able to stand up to anything that comes your way. Stay sweet. Don't let the world change that. Don't let the bitterness of a situation ever take away your sweetness. Sometimes I wonder how you are my daughter because you are the sweetest, happiest, little social butterfly I know; How did I get so lucky?

I know you are my angel, you're our miracle baby.  God sent  us a message that struggle or challenges doesn't come from things we create- they come from things out of our control. Overcoming obstacles that are out of our control make us who he intended us to be. They make us stronger. Wiser.  I wouldn't change one thing about our life with you right now. Every day I hear a new sound come out of your mouth makes every day more rewarding with you.

I know that you will be the best big sister that Emerson could ever imagine. I'm sure that one day when you are teenagers you may want to trade her in for a newer version,  then just before you know it, you can't live your life without her; your best friend. Between the slumber parties, tea parties, dance recitals, boyfriend stealing, hair pulling and clothes stealing, you will wonder how your life would ever be normal without her. I never had a sister but I hear from so many people that sisters are the best gift in the world. That their sister is and will always be their best friend. I wish that for you two. I pray that life makes you different but still puts you on the same path.

Riley, we love you more than you will ever know;  More than spring time; More than chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream; and certainly more than a nice new pair of shoes! Here's to a new adventure for all of us.

As long as they're healthy....

This post may be controversial for some parents but it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, especially because our second daughter will be here in 3 short weeks. So many times I hear expectant mother's say " As long as they're healthy". This usually comes when asked " Are you hoping for a girl or a boy", which in my opinion is a really dumb question to ask someone anyway. Yes, maybe they have hope for a little girl, or want that future quarterback, but just because the ultrasound says the other doesn't mean they are unhappy parents. Are you not going to love your child the same if it is a boy or girl?

When I hear mom's say "as long as they're healthy" makes me think: What if they aren't healthy? Are you going to send them back? Will you not love them? Will your life be ruined? I pray everyday that Emerson is a healthy baby girl but I just can't be sure. Now Riley was a healthy baby but was born deaf; is that considered in the phrase "as long as they're healthy".  The more appropriate answer would be " We will be thrilled with a boy or a girl; we pray everyday that they are healthy".

One God knows if your baby is going to be healthy or not; why put the impression out there that as long as they are healthy you will be happy. Somethings you can't control and through our hearing journey I have learned to let go of the uncontrollable.  I can't imagine Riley any other way and I'm sure every parent that has a child with a disability feels the same. It has changed their life in some miraculous way that everyone with the "perfect", "healthy" children could never understand.

Please, the next time someone ask you that boy or girl question, think about your answer and how your future would be with a child that is not health. Think about who you are talking to and what is really going to matter when you have your beautiful baby girl or boy in your arms. The love you have won't be determined if they are healthy or not.

That is all. Happy Monday:) 20 more days

Then and Now

St. Patty's Day is seriously one of my favorite holidays. There is something about being lucky, 4 leaf clovers and lepracauns that just make me happy; besides the fact that you can drink green beer and not get looked at like your crazy. St. Patty's day this year really got me thinking: Boy Have times changed! Not only am I giving up my green beer and irish car bombs for baby bottles and spit up, but there are other areas in my life that have just...well changed. Thinking back to then and now......

Then:   I would get up at 4am and go out for st pattys day, drink green beer all day and all night. I would by decked out head to toe in green and love every minute of it. Now: I had trouble finding a green shirt; I ended up borrowing from Josh because my pregnant belly is too big and will probably be in bed by 9pm.

Then: I would go out and buy anything I wanted. If I saw it, I like it, I bought it. Now I feel guilty for buying myself a $20 shirt.

Then: I would watch sex and the city and live my life kind of like I was one of the cast members. Now: I live in the county and am 8 months pregnant- sex is the farthest thing from my mind:)

Then: It wouldn't be a weekend if I didn't have something going on or some gathering to go to. Now: the best weekends are the ones relaxing with my little family.

Then: I only had pictures of my friends on my Facebook and camera. Now: I think Riley is, if not in all, in like every picture on my account.

Then: Date nights consisted of going to a dinner, a movie, maybe even an awesome concert. Now: if we can stay up past 10 to watch a movie we feel good about ourselves!

Then: Bud Light Bottles were my go to beverage of choice. Now I prefer only Tommie Tippee Bottles. 

Then: I didn't know what true love was. Now: I can't imagine my life without Josh and Riley Mae and soon to be Emerson.

Looking back from then to now, From college to present time, From Ohio to Indiana, I get this feeling that even though you don't think things will change, they do. I grew up. I remember back to college and I thought that was the rest of my life; in reality my life is just beginning.  I never thought that I would live me life by labels but now I do. Wife, Mother, Friend, and Daughter are the labels that I live by and the ones that make me realize that NOW is exactly were I want to be.

Happy St. Patty's Day!