Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Life's Challenges: a Riley story

Today I am linking up with another "mamma blogger" Becky to tell my story...

The last time I've blogged was almost a month ago....wowsa! I have been a bad blogger and hope to pick my game up and blog much more.

My little family has gone through some challenges the past month and to tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if I was going to keep blogging my life on the internet or not. Don't get me wrong, I love to blog and it sorta has been like theraputic for me (which I am sure it is for everyone that blogs).

Challenges come and go in daily life and some things you take for granted on a daily basis. Most of my life has been great but I feel I have gone through quite a few challenges and they just keep coming. When it comes to your own child, the love is so great that you could move a mountain. Everyone always tells you that "your life will be forever changed", or "it's a love like no other" but you don't really truly understand until you have a child. Until that little one is in your arms do you truly understand what love is.

Our lives were forever changed on October 7, 2012 when Riley Mae Niedzwicki made an early appearance in this world. Perfect healthly 5 lb 18 inches, all ten toes and finger and a cry that could melt your heart. Once you realize all that is perfect, you can finally breathe right? WRONG! You think the worry is going to stop once the child is here but it is only just beginning.

The days at the hospital were such a blur to me since I had so many emotions going on. They do a bunch of tests on the baby before they discharge everyone to make sure everything is okay with mamma and baby. You really pray everything is okay but you never actually thing there wouldn't be perfect. When a doctor tells you something is wrong, your heart literally breaks.

One of the tests they do on babies is the hearing test. This is a state mandated test to ensure a babies hearing is okay. It is mandatory because they earlier you detect hearing loss, the greater chance of the baby (child) having normal hearing and speech. When the nurse told me that Riley failed the hearing test I was devastated and wanted so me answers quick. Everyone, including doctors and nurses, ensured me that everything should be okay because she was early and most babies fail their hearing test at an early agae. We made an appointment at the ENT specialist to haave a follow up right away. I definitely wanted a piece of mind and couldn't wait much longer to have the follow up.

A couple weeks passed and I really didn't think much into it. My pediatrician said she was alert, growning and doing awesome for her age and weight. The specialist day came and mommy, daddy and baby riley packed up and drove to fort wayne (that is the closest specialist to our small little town). The test took about an hour and Riley was sound asleep the whole time. The want the baby to be asleep for the test and being she was so little, this was not a problem at all. The hooked her up to two wires that were attached to her ear lobes and put a wire in her ear that had the range of pitches.

Around 40 minutes into the test I started to get alittle nervous because the audiologist did not have any positive facial expressions (yes I analyze everything and anything) and I asked her if Riley could hear the pitches and she really didn't give me a complete answer. It was then that I started to panic. I looked at Josh and he could tell that something was wrong.

The audiologist came back with the results.....something no mother would ever want to hear. Riley has severe hearing loss in her left ear and profound in her right ear. Profound is the correct term for "deaf" meaning she has no hearing in the right ear. Every thing after that was a blur, I couldn't tell you what else she was talking about. She asked us if we had any questions....aaaa YES! How did this happen? Will she grown into it? what about speech? Will she have a normal life? Is this something I did to make this happen? The questions were endless.

The reality of it is that Riley will get hearing aids before 3 months old and she will be a candidate for the coclear implants at 12 months (the FDA won't approve it until 12 months). The coclear implants are implanted into your ear through surgery. It is like having a bionic ear and the doctor told us if her having normal speech is our ultimate goal, then the implants are the way to go. So yes, we are going the implant route.

I think part of me is still in shock that this is going on. Ever mother wantst the best for her children and I just pray pray pray that I can give her all the tools she needs to make this challenge into a positive. As a mother that carried her child for 9 months, the guilt was overpowering. Was it something I ate? Could I have prevented this? Was it because she was premature? The reality of it is that God has a plan for our family that is bigger than anyone could imagine. He puts challenges in your life because he knows you can overcome them. Riley is such a gift to our family and I know that she is going to teach us so much more than we can teach her. She has brought so much joy to all the lives she has touched.

There is still a part of me that feels the test were wrong, she can hear me. She looks in my direction, or her eyes get big when I talk to her. We are going to take it day by day and not worry to much about the future. The plan TODAY is to get her in some hearing aids and go from there. I am comitted to learning sign language and working with her everyday with a speech therapist to make sure her speech is as normal as any child. There is nothing we wouldn't do for this little girl. She has filled a void in our lives that I never knew was there.

I love this one...

This is our story of our challenge that lies ahead. It is not something you wish for, or even really thing is going to happen but it does. 1 in every 100 children are born with hearing loss in this country. I am just thankful that they found it when they did and we can move forward.

Have a great Tuesday.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

One Month Young

Dear Riley,

I can not believe that you are already one month today! Time does really fly by. You are such a joy in your daddy and momma's life. I can not imagine one day with out you. They say your life changes when you have a child but I guess I never knew how much my life would change when you were born. I'm not talking about change like "I can't just go to the movies change" (even though that has changed too), I'm talking about the love that we have as a family now. Every single decision I make now in made with you in mind. You have brought our family to life and no one could ever replace this feeling.

There are so many things I would like to shelter you from, or make sure you don't make the same mistakes that your father and I once made. Life is a journey and the destination is not what it is about. You are going to make mistakes and fall some time in your life. If we didn't go through everything we went through we wouldn't be where we are...we wouldn't be WHO we are. I think one of the best things about life is that it goes by fast...enjoy it, take it in, and don't look back on things that you could have changed because in the end it makes you, well you so keep moving forward.


You are the prettiest baby I have ever seen, of course I may be biased, but can you blame me with that face? Today was your one month doctor's appointment and you were 6 lbs and 11 oz., 3% of your age...woohoo we are now on the growth charge. Needless to say, your head was in the 25% so I know you are going to be one smart little girl.

You just started sleeping in your crib last night and I was in there about 10 times checking on you to make sure everything was okay. I think I should just sleep in there instead of you sleeping in our room. That way you are sleeping in your crib and I am there if anything happens, best of both worlds? Not cool though...I know. That probably won't be good when your 12 and want friends to sleep over.
For now I won't worry about when you grow up, I will just take in every second with you and enjoy the ride. Our lives are just begining. Happy one month baby girl and we can not wait for every single memory with you.
Love Momma

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Christmas 2012

Since it is now November 3rd I feel it is totally appropriate to start bringing Christmas into our lives. I am so ready for christmas music, decorations, wrapping presents and even crazy shopping people. I am really temped to put up my christmas tree already. I have 4 more weeks of maternity leave and that would make me very very happy. I doubt hubby will actually let me do that...we will see.

Everyone knows how I love Christmas and the holidays but this year is extra special. The first christmas with Riley Mae is going to be one to remember. We will have a lot of first this year but she is going to love Christmas as much as her momma.

This year I feel that I have everything I need in life. I have family that is asking me for a list of things I want but I have everything I could ask for. I just want a relaxing Christmas with family and friends. Christmas eve at the Jones's is anything but relaxing, with 30+ people and now 2 newborns being passed around. Yikes...I can't wait.

BUT if you have to get me something, here are some of the things on mommys list. It is very hard for me to even think of "non baby items" but that is what I've been told to do.

I really need some new clothes. I am sure some of you are rolling your eyes at this because I have a ton of clothes but new baby equals new momma. I think my clothes are going to fit differently and I am hitting the gym hard for my post baby body after the new year. I love gift cards from express, HM, tj maxx, kohls, Old Navy.

I also would LOVE a new northface jacket here with these Tom shoes also here. I so hope Santa is reading this!

I also LOVE these slings made by sleeping baby products here in pool blue, spring green or coral pink. I saw these slings in a magazine and through other blogging moms. How cute would my little peanut be in one of these in spring. I am not sure if this is for mom or baby yet? I think more for momma.

Riley will be so young this year that she won't even remember this christmas. Im sure that doesn/t mean that she won't be just as spoiled. I know we are getting her the first christmas ordament and the holiday 2012 barbie doll. I wanted to get her the doll that was from her birth year. Hopefully she will keep in the box for safe keeping....who am I kidding?

No matter what Santa Claus brings, I already have our miracle. I just ask for our health, home and happiness. In the meantime....get that tree up and CRANK UP THE JINGLE BELLS!