Thursday, March 27, 2014

To my first born....

My Sweet Riley Mae,

I sit here an begin to type and think about everything I wish I could put int this letter. In 20 short days you will no longer be an only child; we will be bringing another loving piece of this family in the world. In 20 short days your life will change forever. You will never know the difference, you will never know what life was like without your sister at your hip- but I will. I always will.

There's a part of me that wonders how I could ever love another child like I love you. How on earth can my heart fit all of that love into my life? I have heard time and time again that it just does. All your children fit into your life like a puzzle, that with so much prayer, came together just as it should. You are by far by biggest accomplishment so far; there is no degree or success at work that will ever compare to how proud I am of you.. You are my first born and that will never change. You made me a mommy. I can't remember my life not being your mommy.

This past eighteen months has been the scariest, most painful, happy, most awesome time of my life. The challenges you have already over came lets me know that one day you will walk at my front door and be able to stand up to anything that comes your way. Stay sweet. Don't let the world change that. Don't let the bitterness of a situation ever take away your sweetness. Sometimes I wonder how you are my daughter because you are the sweetest, happiest, little social butterfly I know; How did I get so lucky?

I know you are my angel, you're our miracle baby.  God sent  us a message that struggle or challenges doesn't come from things we create- they come from things out of our control. Overcoming obstacles that are out of our control make us who he intended us to be. They make us stronger. Wiser.  I wouldn't change one thing about our life with you right now. Every day I hear a new sound come out of your mouth makes every day more rewarding with you.

I know that you will be the best big sister that Emerson could ever imagine. I'm sure that one day when you are teenagers you may want to trade her in for a newer version,  then just before you know it, you can't live your life without her; your best friend. Between the slumber parties, tea parties, dance recitals, boyfriend stealing, hair pulling and clothes stealing, you will wonder how your life would ever be normal without her. I never had a sister but I hear from so many people that sisters are the best gift in the world. That their sister is and will always be their best friend. I wish that for you two. I pray that life makes you different but still puts you on the same path.

Riley, we love you more than you will ever know;  More than spring time; More than chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream; and certainly more than a nice new pair of shoes! Here's to a new adventure for all of us.

Monday, March 24, 2014

As long as they're healthy....

This post may be controversial for some parents but it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, especially because our second daughter will be here in 3 short weeks. So many times I hear expectant mother's say " As long as they're healthy". This usually comes when asked " Are you hoping for a girl or a boy", which in my opinion is a really dumb question to ask someone anyway. Yes, maybe they have hope for a little girl, or want that future quarterback, but just because the ultrasound says the other doesn't mean they are unhappy parents. Are you not going to love your child the same if it is a boy or girl?

When I hear mom's say "as long as they're healthy" makes me think: What if they aren't healthy? Are you going to send them back? Will you not love them? Will your life be ruined? I pray everyday that Emerson is a healthy baby girl but I just can't be sure. Now Riley was a healthy baby but was born deaf; is that considered in the phrase "as long as they're healthy".  The more appropriate answer would be " We will be thrilled with a boy or a girl; we pray everyday that they are healthy".

One God knows if your baby is going to be healthy or not; why put the impression out there that as long as they are healthy you will be happy. Somethings you can't control and through our hearing journey I have learned to let go of the uncontrollable.  I can't imagine Riley any other way and I'm sure every parent that has a child with a disability feels the same. It has changed their life in some miraculous way that everyone with the "perfect", "healthy" children could never understand.

Please, the next time someone ask you that boy or girl question, think about your answer and how your future would be with a child that is not health. Think about who you are talking to and what is really going to matter when you have your beautiful baby girl or boy in your arms. The love you have won't be determined if they are healthy or not.

That is all. Happy Monday:) 20 more days

Monday, March 17, 2014

Then and Now

St. Patty's Day is seriously one of my favorite holidays. There is something about being lucky, 4 leaf clovers and lepracauns that just make me happy; besides the fact that you can drink green beer and not get looked at like your crazy. St. Patty's day this year really got me thinking: Boy Have times changed! Not only am I giving up my green beer and irish car bombs for baby bottles and spit up, but there are other areas in my life that have just...well changed. Thinking back to then and now......

Then:   I would get up at 4am and go out for st pattys day, drink green beer all day and all night. I would by decked out head to toe in green and love every minute of it. Now: I had trouble finding a green shirt; I ended up borrowing from Josh because my pregnant belly is too big and will probably be in bed by 9pm.

Then: I would go out and buy anything I wanted. If I saw it, I like it, I bought it. Now I feel guilty for buying myself a $20 shirt.

Then: I would watch sex and the city and live my life kind of like I was one of the cast members. Now: I live in the county and am 8 months pregnant- sex is the farthest thing from my mind:)

Then: It wouldn't be a weekend if I didn't have something going on or some gathering to go to. Now: the best weekends are the ones relaxing with my little family.

Then: I only had pictures of my friends on my Facebook and camera. Now: I think Riley is, if not in all, in like every picture on my account.

Then: Date nights consisted of going to a dinner, a movie, maybe even an awesome concert. Now: if we can stay up past 10 to watch a movie we feel good about ourselves!

Then: Bud Light Bottles were my go to beverage of choice. Now I prefer only Tommie Tippee Bottles. 

Then: I didn't know what true love was. Now: I can't imagine my life without Josh and Riley Mae and soon to be Emerson.

Looking back from then to now, From college to present time, From Ohio to Indiana, I get this feeling that even though you don't think things will change, they do. I grew up. I remember back to college and I thought that was the rest of my life; in reality my life is just beginning.  I never thought that I would live me life by labels but now I do. Wife, Mother, Friend, and Daughter are the labels that I live by and the ones that make me realize that NOW is exactly were I want to be.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Noone said it would be easy.....

I have to admit: I have some fears and confessions that have been floating through my mind lately, especially with baby coming in less then 5 weeks (YIKESSS).  I do things my own way most of the time and  these are so random that you may wonder about my pregnant state of mind- I know I do. However, this is really happening in my mind...scary I know.

I confess....

I'm not the best mom on the block. I don't look up everything on the internet and go by the stats that the national journal of pediatric medicine provide. If I give her a little too much tylenol one day...oops she seems okay; We role by how riley reacts to most things. I dropped the comparing and research long after the failed hearing test and the fact my daughter still isn't walking. I have no idea what I am doing half (ahem, most) of the time. She beats to her own drum.

I love taking showers but I alsolutely hate getting ready. I usually take a shower in the morning and night (yes that's how much I love them) but if I could walk out of the shower dressed, with my hair dried and straightened, and my make up done- that would just make my life amazing.

I am unorganized and messy. THERE! I said it. I'm not dirty by any means but i like my closet and my car to look like a natural disaster just went through it. Josh is the complete opposite. It actually makes me laugh that he gets hives when he goes into my car sometimes. Ha

I miss my best friends. That is all.

I used to be really into "How I met Your Mother" then life happened and I stopped. I wish I just knew how he met the mother so I can stop wondering about it.

I would buy a new bag or purse every month if I can afford it. It's actually one of the reason's I teach Spinning classes. They really don't even have to be all that expensive; it's the one way I stay organized. Just get a new bag!

I'm slightly obsessed with the Pantone color of the year. I just bought a new pair of hunter boots in purple (closest I could get) and my calves are too fat to fit in them. This is where pregnancy drives my crazy.

I fear....

Anything under the water. I won't even go on a cruise because something "could" happen where we are surrounded by sharks or whales. I mean, have you ever seen titanic? I have.

That my heart isn't big enough to love my two girls equally; I constantly wonder how this new little angel is going to fit in our family. How could I love anymore than I do Riley? Can you mom's help me out.

looking back one day and not remembering the little things in life because I am so busy with the big things. I am on constant go go gadget mode and sometimes I don't know how to slow down. Before I know it my girls will be having there own baby girls. PLEASE SLOW DOWN TIME!

Wrinkles- most everyone knows this about me. I  try to stay out of the sun- or use major SPF, I exfoliate and use moisturizer twice a day. I want to stay looking 30 for the rest of my life. If Cindi Crawford can do it so can I. Right?

No one ever told me life would be easy....they just said it would be worth it!