This weekend I was on my way to get my hair done and I was totally jamming to my ipod. Music up, had bobbin like the typical December day that it is 60 degrees. I was half way there when I just stopped. I stopped and listened to the music. I actually had to pull over because I was having a moment.
Will my daughter ever hear the sound of music? Music is something I live by. It heals me and always has. I listen to everything from country, hip hop, classical and now of course Christmas music. This is a part of my life that I take for grantite every day. I want that same thing for Riley. I want her to be able to dance to the Wiggles or whatever Disney group they have for toddlers these days. When I was pregnant with her I had such big dreams for her, and I still do. I wished for her health, drempt about her education and her taking over the world. Now I found myself wishing for the little things....I want her to hear the birds, to be able to say Mamma and Papa, to hear the train behind our house, the sound of splashing water when she baths, and also the sound of music.
That is why Riley's father and I have chosen to go the Cochlear Implant route. I am hoping to get bilateral implants (meaning both ears), hopefully be the age of 12 months. After Saturday I came home and did so much research out there about the process, the surgery, the results, and the dedication to making our daughter hear. I found countless stories, you tube videos and blogs about Cochlear implants and children that are in mainstream school that are hearing like their peers. How does a child go from deaf to hearing and talking like their peers. This is a whole new world to me, a world I never thought I would be in. I find my stories very similar to other mom's out there that would stop at nothing to get their child the best care. We are doing the same.
I am going to contact the IU Health Cochlear Implant Team at Riley Hospital (its a sign, I know) to get moving on the process for candicacy. This process takes awhile, lots of testing and then you have to be approved by your insurance and the FDA....this is no joke! However I could care less, I will drive there everyday if it means Riley will have the best care. Indiana University was one of the first facilities to do the cochlear implant on a child and was an advocate for the FDA allowing the procedure to be conducted on a 12 month old.
Does all this research and statistics make me feel better? YES. Does the pain hurt any less that our daughter had hearing loss? NO. It hurts. It stings and sometimes I feel numb. She is the most precious thing on this earth and I would not wish our journey on ANYONE. Would I take back or change one thing about Riley. Absolutley NOT!
She is going to teach me more than I can ever teach her. The first time she says mamma I will cry for about 2 months. I know ever mom loves that moment but this one will be special. The research, the driving, the sleepless nights and the speech lessons will all pay off and the reward will be the biggest reward I have ever had. Bigger than any education I have, or accomplishment I have abtained.
I am going to dedicate this blog to our journey from here on out. NO more Pinterest, what I did today, or talking about Reality TV. I am on a mission and if one other family can benefit or heal from reading our story then it is worth it.
Thank you so much for my family and friends that have supported me through the past eight weeks. It has been hard but I know we have such a great support system that Riley Mae is in great hands. We love you.