Saturday, April 18, 2015

Letter to my Second Child on her Birthday

Dear Emerson,

Its only fitting that your annual blog post be in second child fashion- late. Time goes by so fast and before I could blink twice, your first birthday was here, then it was gone. You're one. You eat real food and sleep like a big kid with a big blanket. You move around and want to be by your sister all the time and you love your daddy. So many things I've been noticing this week and thought "when did that happen", then life gets busy again and I lose track of time again.

I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know all your facts like how much you weight, height, what your favorite foods are or if you even have teeth. I didn't record each week I was pregnant with you, or make a monthly update for each milestone you hit. Heck, to be honest, I really don't know what month it is half the time. I'm sorry I didn't make you a birthday book or a video movie, or anything really, for your first year of life.

I'm sorry you get hand-me-downs and have to wear what Riley either didn't like or grew out too soon. I'm sorry that there might be grass stains on your shoes or sweet potatoes on your onesies. I'm sorry that you have to share most of your clothes, accessories and toys with your sister; they were hers once. There are so many things I did differently with you then Riley and I'm sorry I didn't do hours research on baby bottles, car seats, cribs and everything else needed to keep a baby alive. I'm sorry.

There is so many things I did differently with you than I did with your sister. Whenever you feel that second child syndrome feeling coming on, know this: you saved me. So many moms say that their children "save them" and now I understand what it means; I feel that way with you. Riley changed me, you saved me.

When Riley was born and I found out she was deaf, I was in shock. I was scared; I felt the most pain and fear I have ever felt in my entire life. I went the whole year very depressed and in a constant state of fear and always waiting for the next bad phone call. I was quiet, reserved, undetermined and wasn't sure what the future would hold. Then you were born.

You have given my those first mother moments that I didn't have with Riley. You smiled when I said your name, you laugh when you hear me laugh, you danced when you heard music; those are things that I didn't have in the first 12 months of Riley's life. All of a sudden I felt like things were going to be okay. I didn't have to spend all day worrying about Riley's therapy and what the next step was; I had another beautiful baby that needed me as much as Riley did.

So while there is so much I am sorry for, it is you that I am so thankful for. It is you that makes your sister smile every morning when she runs in your room to wake you up and It is you that makes this family of four complete (for now) and back on the right track.

Happy Birthday Emmy! We love you more then Starbuck's green tea, more then springtime, and way more then sports talk radio (from your dad).



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