Mother's Day to me….

Mother's Day is a holiday that means so little to some, and the biggest day of the year to others. Everyone has a mom in their life. You could be a mom, you have a mom, someone like a mom, your best friends are moms, you're a dog mom, you have a step mom or maybe you are a mom to be. Mother's day means so many different things to so many different people; to me mother's day means taking time for whoever that special mom is.

Mother's day to me means sleepless nights and long days. It mean's long hours of speech therapy so your daughter has endless opportunities. To me it means watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse over and over and over, and secretly loving it. It means shearing a popsicle on the porch before bed; going through countless bubbles and saying "POP" over and over.

To me mother's day is going to target for diapers and coming out with a couple outfits because the girls need one more pair of leggings. Some days it's not taking showers and forgetting to eat. It means going to the grocery store is your "get away" for the week. It means worrying that you are making the right decisions for your children; it means your diet consists of chicken fingers and mac and cheese because that is the only thing your children like to eat . It means putting someone else's needs before your own.

To me mother's day reminds me of all the mom's that have taught me about motherhood and paved the path I now walk down; all the veteran's in my life. I thank you. I thank you Jill for teaching me about  time; time is a true gift. Spend time with the ones you love. You constantly amaze me with your strength and love you have in your heart. I look up to you for being a single mother and beating all the odds. Riley is lucky to have such a great godmama.  Thank you Leslie for showing me that you CAN do things with little time. No lie- you are amazing. I compare my crazy life to yours and don't know how you work full time and have 5 kids, a dog and a traveling husband.

Mom- thank you for loving me unconditionally. Now I know how a mother loves their children and realize that you are no different. You had me at a very young age and made the best decisions you knew how to at that time. All those decisions made me into the person I am today; the mother I am.

To all the new moms in my life- you are amazing. Never doubt yourself and never compare yourself or your mothering values to others.

Everyday is mother's day because I think about what motherhood means to me daily. However I like to spend Mother' Day thinking of all the mothers that do so much for others and little for themselves. To my mother in law, my coworkers, Joyce, my friends, my boss, and everyone else I forgot- Happy mother's Day! I wish you have a great day no matter how you choose to spend it. You are amazing!

To my first born....

My Sweet Riley Mae,

I sit here an begin to type and think about everything I wish I could put int this letter. In 20 short days you will no longer be an only child; we will be bringing another loving piece of this family in the world. In 20 short days your life will change forever. You will never know the difference, you will never know what life was like without your sister at your hip- but I will. I always will.

There's a part of me that wonders how I could ever love another child like I love you. How on earth can my heart fit all of that love into my life? I have heard time and time again that it just does. All your children fit into your life like a puzzle, that with so much prayer, came together just as it should. You are by far by biggest accomplishment so far; there is no degree or success at work that will ever compare to how proud I am of you.. You are my first born and that will never change. You made me a mommy. I can't remember my life not being your mommy.

This past eighteen months has been the scariest, most painful, happy, most awesome time of my life. The challenges you have already over came lets me know that one day you will walk at my front door and be able to stand up to anything that comes your way. Stay sweet. Don't let the world change that. Don't let the bitterness of a situation ever take away your sweetness. Sometimes I wonder how you are my daughter because you are the sweetest, happiest, little social butterfly I know; How did I get so lucky?

I know you are my angel, you're our miracle baby.  God sent  us a message that struggle or challenges doesn't come from things we create- they come from things out of our control. Overcoming obstacles that are out of our control make us who he intended us to be. They make us stronger. Wiser.  I wouldn't change one thing about our life with you right now. Every day I hear a new sound come out of your mouth makes every day more rewarding with you.

I know that you will be the best big sister that Emerson could ever imagine. I'm sure that one day when you are teenagers you may want to trade her in for a newer version,  then just before you know it, you can't live your life without her; your best friend. Between the slumber parties, tea parties, dance recitals, boyfriend stealing, hair pulling and clothes stealing, you will wonder how your life would ever be normal without her. I never had a sister but I hear from so many people that sisters are the best gift in the world. That their sister is and will always be their best friend. I wish that for you two. I pray that life makes you different but still puts you on the same path.

Riley, we love you more than you will ever know;  More than spring time; More than chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream; and certainly more than a nice new pair of shoes! Here's to a new adventure for all of us.

As long as they're healthy....

This post may be controversial for some parents but it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, especially because our second daughter will be here in 3 short weeks. So many times I hear expectant mother's say " As long as they're healthy". This usually comes when asked " Are you hoping for a girl or a boy", which in my opinion is a really dumb question to ask someone anyway. Yes, maybe they have hope for a little girl, or want that future quarterback, but just because the ultrasound says the other doesn't mean they are unhappy parents. Are you not going to love your child the same if it is a boy or girl?

When I hear mom's say "as long as they're healthy" makes me think: What if they aren't healthy? Are you going to send them back? Will you not love them? Will your life be ruined? I pray everyday that Emerson is a healthy baby girl but I just can't be sure. Now Riley was a healthy baby but was born deaf; is that considered in the phrase "as long as they're healthy".  The more appropriate answer would be " We will be thrilled with a boy or a girl; we pray everyday that they are healthy".

One God knows if your baby is going to be healthy or not; why put the impression out there that as long as they are healthy you will be happy. Somethings you can't control and through our hearing journey I have learned to let go of the uncontrollable.  I can't imagine Riley any other way and I'm sure every parent that has a child with a disability feels the same. It has changed their life in some miraculous way that everyone with the "perfect", "healthy" children could never understand.

Please, the next time someone ask you that boy or girl question, think about your answer and how your future would be with a child that is not health. Think about who you are talking to and what is really going to matter when you have your beautiful baby girl or boy in your arms. The love you have won't be determined if they are healthy or not.

That is all. Happy Monday:) 20 more days

Then and Now

St. Patty's Day is seriously one of my favorite holidays. There is something about being lucky, 4 leaf clovers and lepracauns that just make me happy; besides the fact that you can drink green beer and not get looked at like your crazy. St. Patty's day this year really got me thinking: Boy Have times changed! Not only am I giving up my green beer and irish car bombs for baby bottles and spit up, but there are other areas in my life that have just...well changed. Thinking back to then and now......

Then:   I would get up at 4am and go out for st pattys day, drink green beer all day and all night. I would by decked out head to toe in green and love every minute of it. Now: I had trouble finding a green shirt; I ended up borrowing from Josh because my pregnant belly is too big and will probably be in bed by 9pm.

Then: I would go out and buy anything I wanted. If I saw it, I like it, I bought it. Now I feel guilty for buying myself a $20 shirt.

Then: I would watch sex and the city and live my life kind of like I was one of the cast members. Now: I live in the county and am 8 months pregnant- sex is the farthest thing from my mind:)

Then: It wouldn't be a weekend if I didn't have something going on or some gathering to go to. Now: the best weekends are the ones relaxing with my little family.

Then: I only had pictures of my friends on my Facebook and camera. Now: I think Riley is, if not in all, in like every picture on my account.

Then: Date nights consisted of going to a dinner, a movie, maybe even an awesome concert. Now: if we can stay up past 10 to watch a movie we feel good about ourselves!

Then: Bud Light Bottles were my go to beverage of choice. Now I prefer only Tommie Tippee Bottles. 

Then: I didn't know what true love was. Now: I can't imagine my life without Josh and Riley Mae and soon to be Emerson.

Looking back from then to now, From college to present time, From Ohio to Indiana, I get this feeling that even though you don't think things will change, they do. I grew up. I remember back to college and I thought that was the rest of my life; in reality my life is just beginning.  I never thought that I would live me life by labels but now I do. Wife, Mother, Friend, and Daughter are the labels that I live by and the ones that make me realize that NOW is exactly were I want to be.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Noone said it would be easy.....

I have to admit: I have some fears and confessions that have been floating through my mind lately, especially with baby coming in less then 5 weeks (YIKESSS).  I do things my own way most of the time and  these are so random that you may wonder about my pregnant state of mind- I know I do. However, this is really happening in my mind...scary I know.

I confess....

I'm not the best mom on the block. I don't look up everything on the internet and go by the stats that the national journal of pediatric medicine provide. If I give her a little too much tylenol one day...oops she seems okay; We role by how riley reacts to most things. I dropped the comparing and research long after the failed hearing test and the fact my daughter still isn't walking. I have no idea what I am doing half (ahem, most) of the time. She beats to her own drum.

I love taking showers but I alsolutely hate getting ready. I usually take a shower in the morning and night (yes that's how much I love them) but if I could walk out of the shower dressed, with my hair dried and straightened, and my make up done- that would just make my life amazing.

I am unorganized and messy. THERE! I said it. I'm not dirty by any means but i like my closet and my car to look like a natural disaster just went through it. Josh is the complete opposite. It actually makes me laugh that he gets hives when he goes into my car sometimes. Ha

I miss my best friends. That is all.

I used to be really into "How I met Your Mother" then life happened and I stopped. I wish I just knew how he met the mother so I can stop wondering about it.

I would buy a new bag or purse every month if I can afford it. It's actually one of the reason's I teach Spinning classes. They really don't even have to be all that expensive; it's the one way I stay organized. Just get a new bag!

I'm slightly obsessed with the Pantone color of the year. I just bought a new pair of hunter boots in purple (closest I could get) and my calves are too fat to fit in them. This is where pregnancy drives my crazy.

I fear....

Anything under the water. I won't even go on a cruise because something "could" happen where we are surrounded by sharks or whales. I mean, have you ever seen titanic? I have.

That my heart isn't big enough to love my two girls equally; I constantly wonder how this new little angel is going to fit in our family. How could I love anymore than I do Riley? Can you mom's help me out.

looking back one day and not remembering the little things in life because I am so busy with the big things. I am on constant go go gadget mode and sometimes I don't know how to slow down. Before I know it my girls will be having there own baby girls. PLEASE SLOW DOWN TIME!

Wrinkles- most everyone knows this about me. I  try to stay out of the sun- or use major SPF, I exfoliate and use moisturizer twice a day. I want to stay looking 30 for the rest of my life. If Cindi Crawford can do it so can I. Right?

No one ever told me life would be easy....they just said it would be worth it!

Like Mother Like Daughter

When I was growing up and thought about being a parent, I mostly figured I would be a boy mom. Yup! That was going to be me...football, lot's of food, and toy cars. Well God sure did play a trick on me because now that our second daughter is almost 7 weeks away, ahem, I consider myself a total girl mom.

I have been reading a couple different mom blogs that got me thinking about about the responsibility of being a girl mom. The responsibility of being the same sex parent and getting the opportunity to raise daughters into women. This would come easy to me if I were the person I want them to be. Not that I am a bad mother or women in general, but I want them to grow up to be better than me. I don't want them to experience the same things I did or go through the worst to get through the best. I want to be a role model, a mentor, a friend and most importantly, a mother. I want when they are 30 years old to role their eyes or walk really fast somewhere to stop and say "Oh my....I'm just like my mom," and be proud.

Our girls are going to learn a lot from their father but I think they will rely on the girly aspects of life, love, success and happiness to come from me. Dad's going to be more of the outdoor, fishing, hunting, don't let the boys anywhere near my girl type of dad, and that's okay. Lately Riley has been obsessed with bracelets and necklaces; she won't take them off. Like ever. All I keep thinking is "where did she get that from", and everyone keeps pointing right at me. Really? Am I that girly? So it got me thinking...

I want to raise my daughters to be confident, loving, a great friend, kind, and a family girl. These atributes have to come from me, come from what they see. They will look to me for the decisions they make and hope I will support and give them advice on love and life.

If I obsess about food and exercising then they will grow to look at only the exterior beauty and not see what's inside. Even if we think we don't do it- we do. As women we are always criticized on our weight and looks that this rubs off on the ones that look up to us.

If I look in the mirror and only see imperfections all the time- my girls will only see imperfections with them. If I don't want to take pictures with them because I think I'm too fat or I don't like my smile then they will see that and it will influence their inner beauty.

If I focus on success more than family then it will teach them that family comes second and your career is first. When in reality I do the most I can in my career because of my family- to give them the things I didn't have and hopefully they will look up to me for my dedication and committment to both.

If I don't love their father like I should- they will learn how to love like that. I want them to learn how to love like we do, not like we don't. I want them to find true love and not rely on any man to take care of them because they can.

 I want them to look at my best friends and me and know that true friendship is a bond like no other, just like sisters. I want them to know that there are some people that aren't your friends and you don't need people that use their power or do not take pride in your accomplishments as much as you do. I need to be that friend first for my daughters to learn that.

You see, being a girl mom is a blessing like no other but it is a scary road. You have to put your best foot forward and know that even from 18 months old, your babies want to be like you. The things you do influence their decisions and when it's all said and done, when they are mothers themselves, they will look around one day and be proud to be JUST LIKE THEIR MAMA.

Wish us all luck!

We Have a Name....

To say this whole second pregnancy has been such a different experience then Riley is an understatement. From getting pregnant, staying pregnant, getting ready and picking out a name has been like a whole different world. We had Riley picked out within the first 3 months of being pregnant; before we even knew that she was a girl. We knew her name was Riley Mae (Mae) after my grandmother and Riley because we both absolutely loved it, and still do. So now that I have 9 weeks left (holy $%#$@$%) it was about time we finalized a baby name- parent fail # 5637.

Choosing  a name is hard- there are so many factors to think of when you have to name your child. Will they like their name? What are possible nicknames? Will classmates make fun of them? How does it sound on a resume? You know all the big things that parents think about...

We had a couple names that we were for sure were our babies name: Reagan. While we loved Reagan and still do, I just couldn't name her with another R name because her middle name is going to be Marie no matter what. We would have two RMNs in our house and if any of you monogram things you know this could be an absolute nightmare.

Finley and Sadie were ones we both like too. These were good because they rhymed and flowed great with Riley. Then I got to thinking- if I have another child (which we want to) there would be pressure to rhyme them all. NO THANK YOU!

Kate was her name at one time. It was a combination of our mothers names but there was just something about it. We didn't feel the connection- the light that comes on when you hear that name. After getting a painted ornament from my best friend Jill and having a stocking made in that name, we decided to scratch that name.

The name we chose wasn't a name that we even talked about for the first 6 months of pregnancy. It's a name that is not in the top 100 baby names; which again surprises me because I love traditional names. It's a name that is "trendy" right now but the people that I do know that have this name for their child I will probably never see again.

It's also a name you can shorten. I always wanted a to be able to shorten my name or have a cool nickname from my original name. The shortened version is in the top 5 baby names so it's a win win. Although her real name wont be printed on any sippy cups or keychains, her shortened version will be!

It's a name that is definetely longer than Rileys but is also a unisex name. I seem to be drawn to unisex names for some reason. Josh and I both love it- We have been calling her this for 2 months while still looking at names; i think we went through about 3000 baby names. You can come up with some very interesting nicknames for about any name, let me tell you. The wait is finally over....

Our baby girl.....

Our second daughter.....

No longer named baby sister.....

IS

 Emerson Maire Niedzwicki  

I know it's a mouth full- she can hate me later:)

PS...while I am not creative enough to make the hot air balloon mobile because I can't sew, you may or may not see these paper mache letter in her room. Nursery reveal coming soon!