Friday, April 19, 2013

Am I good enough?

I think this is the question that everyone asks themselves sometime in their life. Am I good enough? Am I a good student? A good daughter? A good wife? A good mother? We all strive to be the best, but what is the best but what is the best? Who says what the best is or what the best has?

Being a mom is by far the most rewarding, powerful, scary, tragic and etremely exhausting thing I have ever been through. I is totally amazing. But you compare. You want your child to be the best. They were the first in their class. The first to roll over. The first to walk. You are a're child is the first.

Every mom goes through the same thing when it comes to parent. I feel I have a little more expectations/worry about Riley because of her hearing. She failed her first test ever...her hearing test. I am waiting for the next ball to drop. The next time someone tells me that "something isn't right".

Riley is 6 months and she is still struggling with rolling over. That means I'm struggling with being a good mom. Am I good enough? My brother came for one day and she was rolling over. Do I not push her enough? Maybe I'm not present enough. She is at daycare 3 days a week, grandma's 2 days and I get home at 6pm (on a good day). I think some would judge that I'm not a good mother, some may think I put my career before my daughter.

Everyone said your life will change but they didn't say how much. Or tell you how you will start to compare your children to other children and how they excel. Is that even fair to Riley? I know I am going to be constantly pushing her to do better and use her hearing loss as an excuse for her to always work harder. Is that fair to Riley?

Everything I do I do for Josh and Riley. I am the type of person that always keeps moving, I alway want more, I want to be the best and achieve as much as I can. When does it end?

Riley Mae is our first child. The first grandchild and (very close to) the first great grandchild. There was no blueprint book that came with being a mom. I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing but fly by the seat and make mistakes. Josh and I are both learning as we go and doing the best we can. We both struggle with parenting and how to be better parents on a daily basis. I don't think parenting is about "things", its not about your children having ever little thing and never going without. It's about molding your children and teaching them. Watching them grow and value the things you value. To set an example. To be the rock they need when their world comes to an end.

For now I'm going to put the pinterest and Dr. Goggle away and let Riley be Riley. She doesn't know what she doesn't know and it is our job to teach her. Babies develop at different paces and different times. Stop questioning my parenting and be a parent. Be present. I cant compare and I can't question myself and my parenting styles. Every parent is different just like every child.

It's Friday! Have a great weekend.

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