The other day I was talking to my favorite brother (yea my only brother and sibling period) about our awesome yet disfunctional family and was getting a little heated in the conversation. This is what I like to call "going Cleveland" on them. Ahemmmm..
I say that to people in Indiana when they done know me from before...from my past life...well from Cleveland. Once I started going Cleveland on Corey he said " that's the old Shannon back!" I stopped in my tracks and really wondered what he meant by that.
Another story...
I had a student tell me the other day " you are so sweet and just go with the flow". Ok I definitely had to stop at that one. I thought to myself....does she know me at ALL? Now I work with the student, I've been around the student on good days and bad...soooooo???
That got me to thinking.
Have I changed? Has so much happened that I forget who I am, or was....or maybe who I want to be? Deep down I feel that I am the same old" don't mess with me Shannon" (fly girl Jones) but now I don't think I would recognize that girl in the mirror anymore. I always used to say in college that "people don't change, only situations change". That was like my slogan...my live by quote. Was I wrong?
Have I changed or has my situation changed? I think a little of both. From 21 years old to 33 years a lot has happened, things that would change anyone. I was then a college student, a social butterfly, a hang out all night and go straight to work girl, a homie. I thought that was the most exciting time in my life. Boy was I wrong (even though it was super fun:)
Now I'm a wife, a mother, a home owner, a professional, a care giver, a provider. I think my situation has changed but so have I. I've grown. Ive stepped back. I am patient. I am present.
I'm not sure where the change happened. Maybe when I moved from Cleveland out to the country. Maybe when we were dealing with infertility issues for so long. Maybe when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. Maybe when my grandmother passed away. Maybe when I found out my mom had breast cancer. Maybe when I found out my daughter was deaf.
I think all those things happening in 2 years will change anyone. I'm different. I feel different but didn't really realize it. Maybe I didn't change. Maybe I just grew up. Some things I believe will never change:
Life is too short to hold on to grudges
Laugh out loud...really loud.
Apologize.
Time heals all. Give time time.
Have no regrets.
Mistakes happen. Learn from them.
Always forgive, but never forget.
Life goes on.
Pain is tempory. Quitting lasts forever.
Change. Maybe change is a good thing. If I didn't think back an everything we've been through in the past two years I wouldn't think anything has changed. But how could I not. I want change. I like change. I'm a mother now. An advocate for my child and children with hearing loss. If you were to ask me 5 years ago if I thought I would be married, living in the country, with a 6 month old with profound hearing loss...I would think you were crazy. Nuts. Off your rocker. The good thing is I have changed. I have lighted up. I have done the things I need to adapt. To be happy.
You see, happiness is a choice. We all have it. Do it. Be it. Be the change you want to see.
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