To my best friend on her wedding day

Dear Katie,

Wow! I can't believe this day is finally here. The day that you get to become one with the guy of your dreams. The guy I chose to become yours, the guy that makes you a better person. Your wedding day. This day means so much to me and I can't believe I'm here to celebrate every moment with you. The road that it took for you to finally find happiness is one long journey that only the few understand.

We have been friends for over 20 years and I don't think you really understand what all that means to me. I never had sisters but you, Leslie and Jill took that role. You know my strengths, you know my weaknesses; you know what I fear and you know what makes me happy. You know when I'm in a bad situation and you know when I need a big hug. You have supported me through all my decisions good or bad, and you never judge a thing.

Take today slow. Your wedding day it will be one of your best moments of your life, however it goes fast. Enjoy it! As much as today is about the wedding, today is really about the marriage. Even though I've only been married for four years I can tell you that sometimes it is hard. You get things that are thrown at you that you don't plan for. You will fight (probably before the end of the week), and it's okay. remember to love each other even when you don't like each other. Remember to always put Jay first, even when you have four kids running around. Remember to communicate, and most important remember to compromise.

they say that some people come into your life for a reason. Well i say that some people STAY in your life for a reason. Even though everybody is spread out miles and miles away, the coo coos will live on because birds of a feather flock together. 

Love you!

Letter to my Second Child on her Birthday

Dear Emerson,


Its only fitting that your annual blog post be in second child fashion- late. Time goes by so fast and before I could blink twice, your first birthday was here, then it was gone. You're one. You eat real food and sleep like a big kid with a big blanket. You move around and want to be by your sister all the time and you love your daddy. So many things I've been noticing this week and thought "when did that happen", then life gets busy again and I lose track of time again.

I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know all your facts like how much you weight, height, what your favorite foods are or if you even have teeth. I didn't record each week I was pregnant with you, or make a monthly update for each milestone you hit. Heck, to be honest, I really don't know what month it is half the time. I'm sorry I didn't make you a birthday book or a video movie, or anything really, for your first year of life.

I'm sorry you get hand-me-downs and have to wear what Riley either didn't like or grew out too soon. I'm sorry that there might be grass stains on your shoes or sweet potatoes on your onesies. I'm sorry that you have to share most of your clothes, accessories and toys with your sister; they were hers once. There are so many things I did differently with you then Riley and I'm sorry I didn't do hours research on baby bottles, car seats, cribs and everything else needed to keep a baby alive. I'm sorry.

There is so many things I did differently with you than I did with your sister. Whenever you feel that second child syndrome feeling coming on, know this: you saved me. So many moms say that their children "save them" and now I understand what it means; I feel that way with you. Riley changed me, you saved me.

When Riley was born and I found out she was deaf, I was in shock. I was scared; I felt the most pain and fear I have ever felt in my entire life. I went the whole year very depressed and in a constant state of fear and always waiting for the next bad phone call. I was quiet, reserved, undetermined and wasn't sure what the future would hold. Then you were born.

You have given my those first mother moments that I didn't have with Riley. You smiled when I said your name, you laugh when you hear me laugh, you danced when you heard music; those are things that I didn't have in the first 12 months of Riley's life. All of a sudden I felt like things were going to be okay. I didn't have to spend all day worrying about Riley's therapy and what the next step was; I had another beautiful baby that needed me as much as Riley did.

So while there is so much I am sorry for, it is you that I am so thankful for. It is you that makes your sister smile every morning when she runs in your room to wake you up and It is you that makes this family of four complete (for now) and back on the right track.

Happy Birthday Emmy! We love you more then Starbuck's green tea, more then springtime, and way more then sports talk radio (from your dad).

 

 

Tough Little Boys...

So many times I watch Josh talk about his little girls, and he immediately lights up; the moment you realize they are the light in his eye, the loves of his life, his little girls.

People tell me all the time how Emmy or Riley is a "daddy's girl" and to be honest, it makes me giddy to hear those kind words! You see, I never imagined myself as a girl mom. NOPE, I was always going to be a boy mom, but God had other plans for me. Most of you that know me know that growing up I was always a daddy's girl, so naturally the fact that my babies are daddy's girls make me smile.

I secretly daydream of their wedding day when they are given away by their daddy; I will definitely have to hold him while he cry's like a baby. I listen to countless songs like " Tough Little Boys" and " Daddy's be Good to Your Daughters", and think about those days.

Josh is like a mom/dad, a moad if you want to call it. He is very hands on. Every SINGLE morning he gets up with the girls, feeds Emmy and gets their bag ready for the day. He goes to work, outside, with his hands, then picks them up from daycare. Every. Single. Day. He feeds Emmy dinner and also cleans up dinner. Every. Single. Day. He loves to do laundry and anyone that knows me knows my house is always clean because of him; basically he's the wife I never had!

He's the dad that is watching the Superbowl while dressed in a princess outfit because it makes the girls happy. He is silly; he loves to pretend play. He tells them they are beautiful every  morning and I think Riley is actually starting to secretly love it. She goes running for him every time she gets dressed in the morning. Makes me all mushy; I did the same thing.

The girls adore and love him. That makes my heart happy. I don't get jealous. I understand I'm the parent that is strict, I am the one that will constant push them and be honest. I'm okay with that.

While moms get all the love when it comes to raising kids, here's a shout out to all the dad's out there. I know a lot of girl dad's and it makes my sappy when I see a daughter and her daddy. To any dad's reading this: While the girls look to moms for beauty, cooking and fashion advice, you dad's have the hardest job of all: showing the girls how they should be treated by the way you love their mama. You are their first love.

Advice for New Moms

Being a mom is not what I thought it would be. Its the scariest, most terrifying, uncomfortable, and unbelievably rewarding thing I have ever done. Some days I sit back and admire my two daughters and how beautiful they are becoming; there are other days when I wave my red flag and hope someone comes in my door to let me know I'm on hidden video or something. Motherhood is full of unplanned, unpredictable, crazy moments, and for the type A personality...this could be challenging.

Good thing for my family and everyone that comes in contact with us that I am the complete opposite of type A. I think I'm actually type W or something. I adapt to change easy, I hate to clean and organize; nothing, I mean nothing, has a proper place and if I loose something, I will just buy another!

When you're a new mom everyone is giving you advice. You read blogs, facebook, try to plan your life according to other peoples experience. Stop now! Now that I look back on my first year of motherhood I laugh. The things I thought I wouldn't do, I do (like all the time).

1. Each baby (situation) is different. I've had so many moms give me advice on bottles, wipes, diapers, co sleeping, milestones...etc. Each baby is different and you have to adjust. I wasn't able to breastfeed because I didn't produce any milk. I cried. I felt the worst mom in the history of all moms but I had to adjust. I had to change my plan. My baby needed food and that was my main priority. Riley loved Tommy Tippie bottles, Em will only take Doctor Brown. Be flexible. If your baby doesn't like something, switch it. Just because your favorite cousin did things one way doesn't mean you have to do things the same. Do what's best for  you and your family.

2. Don't take things for granted: Being a mom is a huge change in your life. Well imagine being a new mom and getting news that something is terrible wrong, in the same day! One moment can change your life. That is the moment you realize that you have to work harder than you have ever worked, pray harder then your ever prayed, and sacrifice more than you have ever sacrificed. Being a mom will push you to your limits and each family will go through their own trails and hardships in their lifetime.  I know it's kind of cliché but life throws curveballs and sometimes that makes us better in the long run. Enjoy the moments.

3. If you don't want to be bothered, don't: Sometimes it's okay to not want company. So many people will want to come over, meet the baby and provide support. Which is fine but you are tired, like really tired. Sometimes you just want to be by yourself with your new love. That's okay. You aren't obligated to do anything you don't have to . This is your time, your memory.

4. Do you. Be you. Don't let motherhood consume you: You can still be a good mom and be the person you have always been. You can have fun, have girl nights out, look on pinterest for non baby things and drink wine. If you let motherhood consume you then you loose a part of yourself. I am totally guilty of this and can not judge. The first year of Riley's life I was consumed with her. I had to give her every opportunity, do countless hours of therapy and would stop at nothing to make sure she had everything she needed. I lost me. Take some time for embrace motherhood and who you are becoming as a mother, woman and wife, but don't loose the you, you love.

Being a first time mom is the greatest thing to most moms, but to me it was scary. Trying to keep a newborn fed, alive and happy was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I didn't know anything about sleep training, baby food, or even milestones. I wasn't a mom that read up on everything, knew random statistic, or even realized that babies were supposed to do things by certain months.  I relied on advice to get me though.

It seems funny that I am now the one attempting to give advice when I actually don't know a thing about parenting. I parent day to day. I don't have a plan. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I adapt to whatever that day may bring. Tomorrow is a new day and will certainly bring new challenges, but today is the day! Today is the day you are living and todays is the day to love your kids the best way you know how!

Preferred Qualifications

It's about 8:15 on a Thursday evening and I finally get to sit down. I listen. I hear nothing. I look down to find that I still have my nametag and my suit jacket on; time to get on my jammies and go to bed. Yes, I said it was only 8:15. Three hours before...

I ended my work day at 5pm and realized I had to go to Hobby Lobby to pick up crafts for us to do in Riley's therapy tonight. We have a new therapist (long story) and she is on her game when it comes to doing crafts, reading and cooking during therapy. We use most of our language when actually doing things so we are learning as we do. sounds good to me.

I have to hurry because therapy is at 6:30 and I live 40 minutes from work. I get home around 6pm and have to get the kids fed. Thursdays are usually a crock pot day (thank god for that thing) so its already to go when I get home. We have 20 minutes to get food on plates, feed the baby Emmy and get ready for therapy. I eat standing up because I have to get all the baking supplies, open all the craft materials and get her seat ready for Barb (our online therapist).

6:20 hits and its go time. By the time I have everything ready to go, I get the email from Barb wanting us to sign in on the computer; she is all set. While Josh is still cleaning up and scrubbing off the crock pot, we start our therapy.

Thirty minutes may not seem like a long time in your eyes, but keeping a toddler occupied and engaged for that long is an eternity. We are making a pom pom Christmas tree and glitter water shaker. The pom pom tree went over great; she loved it. She said more, push, on and tree....Yay! The glitter shaker, not so much. She didn't like the fact that the glitter was messy and going everywhere; we had a toddler melt down. Yup, right in the middle of therapy.

Cookies! Were are the baking supplies; she loves to make cookies. As soon as she saw the sugar her face lit up and she was ready to go. She said pour, stir, more and mix...cookies for the win! By the time they are in my Kitchen Aid mixer (another one of my prize possessions) 30 minutes is over and she is heading for bath.

Tonight is Emmy and Riley bath night so I get E's bath filled up and start taking Riley's clothes off. We are starting the potty training so she sits on the potty for about 15 minutes and just gets enough toilet paper to fill clog the toilet. She loves to wipe. Whatever gets her on it.

If I put Emmy in the bath without Riley the water works and screaming starts. She can not have Em in the bath first- Riley goes first. Okay so we put Riley in, then Em; get her waterproof cochlear implant on....Shit that one is not working. Let's try the other one. Works:) She will hear with one ear in the bath. After bath getting dressed in another story. riley will not wear any "normal" kid two piece pajamas. Not my child, she has to wear sweatpants and a big t-shirt that she picks out. Mommy or daddy can  not pick them out.

Baths are done; time for more therapy. Let's read, play with play dough, and do her TIGGLY on the ipad. Is it 8:00 yet??? Nighttime! Both kids are in bed and all of a sudden it is silent. Time for bed!

It's funny because my career is helping student find jobs; everything within the job search process. I look at resumes, cover letters and job descriptions on a daily basis. I coach students on interviewing and where to find jobs. I tell them to not apply for jobs they aren't qualified for....it makes me think. What are the qualifications of being a mom? Sometimes I wonder if the "preferred qualifications" are more than I can handle. If I had to write a job description for being a mom to my children, it would go something like this:

The Niedzwicki family is currently seeking a caretaker and provider on a full time basis. This position will assist the father in all day to day operations and communication. This person is responsible for the training and care of a toddler and a newborn, age 2 and 7 months.
This role requires an understanding of parenting theories and ability to train on these theories. Assists in the development of budgets, coordinates records and maintains flexibility on a daily basis. This individual must be able to work in a team, organized and have a strong ability to communicate effectively. Patience is a must.

REQUIRED: Must be able to multi task; 3-5 years experience in supervising and or elementary education training.  Must be able to work long hours, overtime and receive little compensation for your efforts. Ability to take harsh criticism and be tired all hours of the day. Working with a diverse staff and able to think of your feet. Experience problem solving and risk taking is key to this position. Valid drivers license. 

PREFERRED: 5-7 years experience in elementary education with experience in a supervisory role. Ability to eat cold foods and not shower alone for 10 years is a must. Ability to think on your feet and be consistent. Computer proficient with knowledge of picture editing. Fort building is kept in this role; must understand the importance of growing personalities. Ability to French braid.  Desired: Budget management experience with flexibility for emergencies. Able to be flexible in a situation you could never dream up yourself. ability to make everything better.

As I love my kids with everything I have, some days I  need a do over. A day  to say "Lets do that one again so I can be better". As moms, we constantly feel we aren't good enough or we are being judged for every little thing our child says and does; Maybe we are the ones judging us. If this were a real job description,  I would never apply because I'm not qualified; in real life this is my full time job. Some days we are moving up the corporate latter, and other days (like Thursdays) we hope we get through the day with both kids fed, dressed, bathed and sleeping in their own bed. If all those things happen then we are doing an okay job!

And Now We Wait...

And now we wait. This time around seems a little bit different then the others; not sure how or why, it just does. Maybe because we know what to expect; we know the ins and outs of the hospital: the nurse will come around every hour and the doctor will be out when Riley is in recovery. Maybe it's because we already have hope. Riley already has one implant working well and progressing as expected.

Maybe it's because we are anxious; i have been waiting for this day since last December and want to move on with our lives. I want her to be able to hear with both ears, not worry about infection and  be her own kind of normal. People ask me how I am. They want to know how I am feeling. I'm feeling calm.

I don't know how to explain it really. Josh and I have two beautiful daughters and are in a great place in our lives. Emerson is 5 months old today and our Riley Mae is in surgery on her way to hearing all the beautiful things in this world- with both ears.

When we got to the hospital this morning, yes at 5:20am, Riley just held on tight. I doubt she can really recall the past surgeries but she definitely knew something was up. She sat there, they took her vitals. She sat there, they went over all her history. When it was time for her to go, she just wanted to get into the Step 2 car and go. Mommy didn't want her to.

So now we wait. Josh sleeps, and I blog. We wait until the nurse comes around again to give us an update. We wait with other families. There a family next to us who's son is having open heart surgery. there are about 30 family member, pop, chips and all kind of snacks. families pulling together when it matters the most; reminds me of Riley's first surgery June 18th 2013.

I may be calm because she is so strong. She's not even two yet and already she is teaching me more than I have taught her. I learn patience from her, I learn to wait. teaching her to learn to listen makes me learn to listen also. She knows what she wants and is not afraid to go for it. I already know this about her at such a young age. She isn't shy. She laughs and tries to do exactly what you do, she loves to imitate (hopefully that is gone by the time she's in high school).

Nurse just came by and told us she's doing great! "Such a strong little girl". It should only be an hour out before she's in recovery. 

I really believe everything happens for a reason, its so cliche I know. Riley was given to us for a reason. We moved to Indiana for a reason and had the opportunity to be part of the the Riley Hospital at IU Health family…for a reason. This place has been awesome to us. It's 2 hours each way from our house but there is no distance I wouldn't drive to give our daughter the best care. Riley Hospital is that. This morning they gave Riley a little doctor set so she could play doctor when they were doing her vitals. Everything they do is for the childs experience; their comfort level.  I hope our journey continues with their support in audiology and speech therapy.

I know she won't remember this experience, but I will. I will always be grateful for the opportunities that she will have because of Riley Hospital and Dr. Yates and his team. Every time I see him it's bitter sweet; we love seeing him, but we wish it was under different circumstances.

I go back to when I first found out Riley was deaf and we were researching hospitals and doctors. We looking at Columbus Children's Hospital and Chicago Children's Hospital. Both have great cochlear implant departments and have great reputation; however when I met Dr. Yates, I knew this was the surgeon that I wanted working on Riley. He's a perfectionist, he cares and the amount of research he does on cochlear implant implantation, activation, and oral speech communication floors me. He works non stop, goes off the Washington DC to meet with other research developers for the cochlear implant. He has three daughters himself; he's a family man. And most of all, the first time she had her surgery, he came out after 9 hours of surgery and said "thank you for letting me take care of your daughter". No thank you Dr. Yates.

In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughters eyes, I can do no wrong. She looks at me with admiration, with no fear, with the sense that her mommy is the best mommy around. When in reality I struggle. I fear. I don't know what the future holds and that can be scary. But in her eyes everything is perfect.

703 days ago I gave birth to a daughter who was deaf. I think in reality it took me over 1 year to actually say the word deaf instead of hearing loss, or nothing at all. I remember the pain I went through the first 6 months thinking about her future and what opportunities I can give her. Doesn't every parent want this?

In my daughters eyes I know everything. She can come to me and I can fix everything. If she's crying, I know how to calm her. If she's excited, I know why. Lately it's been hard. I read other CI (cochlear implant) parent blogs and they assure me that one day your life begins to feel normal again.. When is that exactly? I still feel unbelievable sadness because I still wait for her to have  a revelation and use spoken language to talk to us. Tell us what she wants; but she doesn't know how. Parenting to me involves therapy, learning to listen sounds, Ling 6, auditory sandwich, conditioned play and everything else that will help with her spoken language. Every book I read, gift I give her, or sound she makes has something to do with her development.

In my daughter's eye she is not different. She doesn't know what the world is like; How people judge and make assumptions based on appearance, monetary things and your successes in life. She doesn't know that she is special. I try to give her every opportunity she can and let her just be a child, but I can't. She is different and the harder I work now, the better her life will be later. Riley doesn't know that everyone doesn't have a CI. Every child she meets she's going to have to explain that she has a CI and that's how she hears. It's my job to teach her to be her own advocate and be proud of who she is.

In my daughter's eyes I am her main teacher. Through her eyes I give more when I want to give up. I break down sometimes and need a break. I shut my door and sit down and take deep breaths. I yell and get frustrated at the progress but yet amazed by her perseverance. I get back up, look at her, and in her eyes realize that she sees no wrong. I realize that we are the main piece in her success. That's not about having a deaf child; its about being a parent.

Through my daughters eyes I am her hero. The steps I take, she will follow. The heartbreak I go through, she will also feel. This makes me put one foot in front of the other and be the best parent I know how to be with the situation we have. In reality, looking through her eyes brings a little bit of me back everyday. I couldn't imagine not being Riley's mommy.

”Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” ~Linda Wooten