I was really hestitant to write our journey on the blog because once I do...it is out there, on the internet, for everyone to read, judge and have an opinion. Our journey is something that is really personal for me and a time in my life I will never forget. Many blog moms (or TTC moms) have inspired me to put our story out there. Hopefully it can be hope for women.
We tried for two years to get pregnant, I know that is not that long for some couples but to me it was a lifetime. Josh and I got married in September of 2010 and started trying right away. I am 32 and I knew I was going to have some issues trying to conceive (TTC). I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 20 years old. I went off birth control in college and never really thought it was going to be an issue...until I wanted to start a family.
For those of you that know me, know I am very driven, I also put a lot of pressure on myself in every situation. This was no different. I started going to a fertility specialist right away from the Cleveland Clinic (one of the best) and got some tests taken. Hormone levels were alittle off but nothing to be too concerned about. We also got Josh tested and his little swimmers were PERFECT. That was ahuge relief because male infertility is a lot more scary then mine.
We started the clomid and started "baby making" regularly. You see, there is a big difference between baby making and love making. For those of you in this process, you totally understand. During this process we picked up and moved to Indiana from Cleveland, no big deal right? It was very stressful, fun and emotional all the same time. I missed my family so, but was excited to have a fresh start. We needed it.
One week after we moved to Indiana, we found out we were pregnant off of the Clomid. It was amazing. Totally one of those songs were you are laughing, crying and jumping up and down like you won the lottery. The baby was due October 25th, we were estatic.
One week later we had a miscarriage, we lost our little baby. We were both devistated. I do not wish that on my worst enemy. So we picked ourselves up and kept trying and trying. Weeks and months went by with no positive result. We started seeing an RE here in Indiana (who was a buckeye fan so we couldn't go wrong). We absolutely loved him. We drove 2 hours each way to go and see him once a month because he was the best. We had Josh tested again, had my dye test and had more hormone tests for me.
In the meantime we prayed...and prayed and prayed. I turned to God so many times during this time. I wasn't really raised with a strong faith background, or didn't have much faith in my life. This felt like my last hope. This process was staining on me, and my marriage.
Doc found I was "insulin resistant" and put my on metformin from Halloween 2011 through the holidays. After the holiday we were to start the shots and get us pregnant! The holidays came and went and the medicine was not working. I was not regular and still not ovulating. I went 4 months without a menstual cycle and decided to put TTC behind us and start the house hunting! We found an awesome house we absolutely love....and guess what?? it has a swingset:)
The time came were the doctor wanted us to start the shots and give me something to bring on my menstrual cycle. I told him to hold off because I felt like it was coming and wanted it to come naturally. I waited about another week and still nothing. Doctor told me to take a pregnancy test and come in and start the next process. I got home from my spinning class and did what the doctor ordered. The test came out POSITIVE...I was pregnant. I took 3 more tests....all positive.
What..could this be real? This time it wasn't a crying, jumping, crazy moment. Josh got home from the grocery, I walked out and said "I'm pregnant" and we both just stood there, and looked at each other. It was surreal.
Infertility is hard, and it an be a long long process. I think people that don't experience it really understand what it can do to a woman, or a couple.It definitely changed me, made Josh and I stronger. I hope to have more babies in the near future but refuse to put my family through this stress again. We have our angel and the rest is up to God's plan.
Don't tell women to "relax" or "it will happen". Even though it did happen for us when I relaxed and didn't put pressure on it, I would never say that to another couple TTC. It is all in God's plan, and when God's plan isn't your plan...rely on each other.
I am grateful everyday for this little girl in my life. Every 2 hours and wake up, every diaper change and every time I pick her up and she stops crying. I kiss her and appreciate every. single. moment.
Riley, we love you! You are truly the best gift.
Shannon and Josh.